Evil FTW

That's all, folks!

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 23:06:44 -0400

That’s it for the first Evil FTW series! New readers, please direct yourselves to the Table of Contents to get started. Old readers, thank you for reading!!

But hey, it’s not over yet!

The sequel, Evil FTW: Applied Villainy, has just begun! You can read it here.

What are you waiting for?? Go, go!

204. Cake is always first

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:23:55 -0400

(We find ourselves, several weeks later after the semester’s ended, at a local chapel. In fact, we’re at Selanio and Selan’s wedding! We find everyone outside as the ceremony’s just ended, and Selan’s throwing the bouquet. There aren’t a lot of people clamoring for it really, but the person who catches it is… Ann! She laughs and shows it to Brian, who blushes and runs off to hide behind his dad. Everyone gets ready to head over to the church’s reception hall so they can go eat cake and food. Omen hides off to the side, trying to get a moment to himself to try and come to grips with the fact that yes, his two best friends just got married to each other. Instead of solitude, he finds Smith waiting for him.)

Xeno: Smith?

Smith: Hello, Xenophon.

Xeno: What’re you doing here?

Smith: I thought you may wish to hear an update.

Xeno: Update…? Is Indrid okay?

Smith: I have been treating him for the past few weeks. His condition has not improved.

Xeno: What? But you have all sorts of advanced medical technology, don’t you?!

Smith: Though he hid it well, Indrid was never in good condition to begin with. (He looks aside) It is probably my fault… I asked him in the 1500’s to return home and be regenerated, but he refused… I should have insisted.

Xeno: Why would he refuse something like that?

Smith: You must understand, Indrid is one of the oldest living beings in the universe. He has certain responsibilities that he would need to see to if he returned.

Xeno: So he’s been shirking his duties for five hundred years?

Smith: Yes, and I have helped him do it. He is a bit of a… ah, what is the word you humans use?… ah. He is a slacker.

Xeno: Don’t… don’t say that. I don’t want to feel like I’ve got anything in common with him.

Smith: Very well.

Xeno: So what’s going to happen to him?

Smith: I called for assistance. A ship arrived today to take him home. His body will be regenerated and he will survive.

Xeno: Oh… good. I’m glad. How long do you think he’ll be gone for?

Smith: It is hard to say. Between the temporal quirks of relativistic travel, and the duties he will have to perform once he is recovered, which he may or may not dodge again… perhaps a year. Perhaps millennia. My predictive capabilities are not quite as good as his, you see.

Xeno: So… you have no idea.

Smith: None whatsoever.

Xeno: Jeez…

Smith: I suppose this means the end of your life being “meddled” with, though.

Xeno: What, you’re not going to take over for him?

Smith: Well, I will indeed take on Indrid’s responsibilities… I would hardly say I am worthy to replace him, but that was the decision… but you must remember that I already have a human of my own who is not so adverse to taking orders.

Xeno: Clovis?

Smith: Indeed. So I will not be requiring your services. Thank you very much for your help in the past.

Xeno: So I’m free?

Smith: Free? Xenophon, your actions have always been your own. We simply will not interfere any longer.

Xeno: Right…

Smith: Again, we thank you. (He turns) Goodbye.

Xeno: Hey, um… tell Indrid I said thank you, too.

Smith: I will.

(Smith leaves. Xeno sighs and turns to leave. Just then, Arco runs over.)

Arco: There you are! Everyone’s wondering what happened to you!

Xeno: Sorry about that. I just needed a moment.

Arco: Overwhelmed by happiness, huh?

Xeno: Yes.

Arco: No, really. What were you up to? Mysterious Omen stuff?

Xeno: Yeah…

Arco: Ah, that’s fine, then. Now come on, before people start worrying.

(Arco takes Xeno’s hand and starts dragging him toward the reception hall)

Xeno: Won’t Cath get jealous if he sees you with me?

Arco: Maybe.

Xeno: …

Arco: …? Xeno, are you okay?

Xeno: Hm? Oh, just thinking, is all.

Arco: About what?

Xeno: It’s just… I could leave. Right now. I could leave and stop being Omen. The Baron and Ira can be a duo, there’s no more aliens or superpowered terrorists gunning us down, they don’t need me… hell, I even get the feeling that Cath won’t let Apogee arrest them.

Arco: What?

Xeno: I could go. Sometimes I used to tell myself that in the past, but I knew it wasn’t really true. But now… there wouldn’t be any real consequences. I could run away. Be normal. Maybe go do some of that stuff I always said I’d do in college.

Arco (worried): Will you?

Xeno: … no. I like my life. I like being Omen. Maybe I said he’s not real, but he’s damn nice to be sometimes. Heh… maybe I’m starting to become the mask, a bit…

Arco (grinning): You don’t wear a mask.

Xeno: Becoming the scarf, then. (He laughs) It’s just nice to know that the only thing keeping me in this life is the fact that I enjoy it. There’s nothing else forcing me here.

Arco (doesn’t really know where this is all coming from, but she’s rolling with it): Good to know.

Xeno: Yeah. Hey, thanks for being so cool about finding out my identity. I mean, it’s awkward enough, I’m glad you didn’t go all fangirl on me…

Arco: Ahaha, actually…

Xeno: Oh god…

Arco: Do you think I could get a photo of Omen and me? You know, for the website?

Xeno: No.

Arco: We could stage it like I surprised you with it and you don’t wanna be there!

Xeno: Never.

Arco: Aw come on, Cath let me get a photo with Amp!

Xeno: Yeah, well, he’s trying to sleep with you, of course he would.

Arco: Th-that’s not the only reason!

Xeno: I beg to disagree.

(Arco whines at Xeno as they make their way back to the group, but Xeno won’t concede.)

Selan (all decked out in her fancy dress): Xeno! What were you doing, huh?

Xeno: Oh, Smith showed up, I had to talk to him real quick.

Selanio: Did he have news about creepyman?

Xeno: Yeah. But let’s not bother with that. After all, it’s time to party, right?

Selan: Yeah! We’re about to cut the cake, come on!

Xeno: Shouldn’t we wait until after the food to cut the cake?

Selanio: Why? Is that a thing?

Xeno: I don’t know, I don’t go to a lot of weddings…

Selan: Whatevs, cake is always first in my book. Then presents. THEN we can eat.

Selanio: Yeah! Also, you guys get to see my awesome dancing.

Selan (going pale): You’re not gonna drink first, are you…?

(Selanio laughs. Selan looks preemptively embarrassed. Xeno smiles despite his horror.)

Arco (whispering): Psst… why doesn’t she want him dancing drunk?

Xeno: Pray that you’ll never find out.

(The party continues, cake is had and dancing happens. Thankfully, Selanio keeps his clothes on, if only because Xeno wouldn’t let him get naked. At the end of the party, Selanio and Selan finally leave to catch their flight and begin their honeymoon.)

(Xeno goes home alone, feeling content.)

—End: Evil FTW.

203. I want to live!

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:23:04 -0400

(Omen’s made his way back to the center of the storm. What’s left of Warehouse 18 is surrounded by an opaque sphere of swirling energy. Omen looks at it warily, not quite sure how to proceed. Cautiously, he jabs a finger at it, only to retract it quickly as he’s met with stinging pain. The skin on the tip of his finger’s burned right off. It’s only a tiny burn, fortunately, but it proves that he can’t just walk through.)

(He sighs and starts walking around it, trying to find a weak point or something he can use to make into a shield or something. It isn’t long before he catches sight of Ira and the Baron, who are also making their way to the sphere thing. He runs over to them.)

Omen: Guys!

Lady Ira: Omen! (She hugs him) Hey, where’s Arco?

Omen: Waiting over at the edge of this madness. It seemed safe there.

Baron von Boom: At the edge? What, you found your way out of this place?

Omen: I don’t think there is a way out.

Lady Ira: Aw jeez. Guess you were right, Baron.

Baron von Boom: Of course I was, I’m always right. u_u (to Omen) I was telling her that there’s no way we could just leave without beating up Reza, it totally doesn’t work that way.

Omen: Ah. Yeah, it seems so.

Lady Ira: You okay? You look a little shook up. Is it the ominous floating madness?

Omen: Hm? No. Just uh. In the confusion, my scarf fell off at one point, so Arco kind of figured out, uh…

Lady Ira: Oh no! How awkward.

Omen: You’re telling me…

Baron von Boom: Ugh, whatever. Let’s just go end this, okay?

Omen: That swirling stuff is dangerous. Look what it did to my finger. (He holds out his finger)

Lady Ira: Poor Omen. (She pulls a band-aid from her sleeve and puts it on his burn) So how’re we gonna get through?

Baron von Boom: What, can’t we just use your barriers?

Lady Ira: My barriers are tethered to the ground, you know that.

Baron von Boom: So just jump while you’re making the barrier or something.

Lady Ira: I’d have to jump like three feet in the air!

Baron von Boom: Can’t you?

Omen: Most people can’t.

Baron von Boom: Hmm.

(Suddenly, he grabs both Omen and Ira and jumps about five feet in the air.)

Baron von Boom (after they’ve touched the ground again): Why didn’t you do it?

Lady Ira: Whu—you surprised me! You gotta give me warning first!

Baron von Boom: Ugh. Jumping again…

(He jumps again. This time, Ira holds out her hands and a barrier forms around them. They land and the Baron wobbles a bit on the bubble.)

Lady Ira: Agh—don’t roll it, that hurts!

Baron von Boom: Don’t be a baby. Here we go!

(Like a trio of hamsters in a plastic ball that’s also in outer space or something, they roll right through the event horizon. Once they’re through, Ira drops the barrier and catches her breath.)

Lady Ira: That sucked and let’s never do it again.

Omen: You can put us down now, Baron.

Lady Ira: No wait! Keep carrying us!

Baron von Boom: Ha, no.

Lady Ira: No, I’m serious! Look, look. See, I bet Reza’s up on that huge floating thing up there, right?

Omen: Probably.

Lady Ira: So we gotta climb up. But we don’t wanna get separated like before. So the Baron should carry us, Omen should use his powers to float over some stepping stones, and I’ll cover us from anything that tries to fly into us.

Omen: Ah.

Lady Ira: It’s teamwork! We’re like a giant mecha, except we’re neither giant nor mechanical.

Baron von Boom: That’s stupid.

Lady Ira: You’re stupid. Now let’s go.

(Omen, still being carried by the Baron, holds out his arms as he levitates some chunks of debris in front of them, each slightly above the one before it, creating a floating staircase. The Baron runs over and jumps from step to step, stopping occasionally as a bolt of black energy streaks past ahead of them or when Ira has to block one that comes too close. It’s not long before they get to the top. They’re greeted by a wave of blackness shooting toward them—Ira blocks it, and as the attack dissipates the Baron puts his comrades down so they can stand on their own feet.)

(They look around to see Reza in the center of the platform, floating and surrounded by blackness. Tears are streaming down his face and his eyes have turned all black. At his feet is the body of Stesha, now completely still and lifeless. Farther away is Dalix’s mangled form.)

Baron von Boom: Oh hell, I see what’s going on here.

(Reza attacks again, shooting more energy at them. It crashes against Ira’s barrier and dissipates.)

Omen (hoping to appeal to his sense of reason): Reza! You’re losing control of your powers! If you don’t stop, then you could end up destroying the whole—

Reza: Good. (He growls, clenching his fists) Let this city burn… All of you… Burn!

(He attacks again. Ira groans as she blocks it again.)

Lady Ira: Nngh… Guys, we gotta go on the offensive soon, I can’t keep this up.

Baron von Boom (grinning): Leave it to me.

(The Baron draws his sword and rushes forward. He raises his sword to strike, but as he brings it down he’s met with invisible resistance. Reza need not do much else than glare at him, and the Baron is thrown back. Omen uses his powers to take hold of some debris flying around and send them shooting at Reza but they, too, are met with resistance and blown away.)

Reza: It was you… you killed the old me. The… the capable me. That me wouldn’t have… he would have been able to protect Stesha… I’ll kill you! All of you—you won’t leave here alive!!

(Reza raises a hand, only for his attack to be interrupted by a bolt of lightning. Our villains look in the direction from whence it came, and in flies Amp, surrounded by electricity to protect him from the deadly wind surrounding them. He lands nearby, holding his flying disc like a shield, and glowers up at Reza.)

Amp: Where’s Arco? What have you done with her?!

Omen: She’s safe!

Amp: What?

Baron von Boom: We already rescued her.

Amp: What? But that’s what I came here to do!

Omen: Should’ve shown up sooner.

Amp: But I had to fight off some mobsters and—agh, fuck you guys! (He charges some electricity into his hand) I’ll just have to kill this douchebag instead if I want to impress her.

(Amp shoots lightning at Reza, who isn’t much affected by it. He then throws his disc forward, electricity sparkling over its metal surface, but it bounces off of Reza and back to Amp.)

Amp: Fffff…

Omen: Yeah, he’s pretty super-charged today. Tragedy’ll do that.

Amp: He’s gotta have a weak point.

(Reza lets out another attack, shooting a black wave out in all directions. Ira blocks her comrades while Amp crouches behind his disc. The blast knocks Amp onto his back.)

Amp: Damn…

Lady Ira: I hate asking this, but is the hero on his way?

Amp (getting back up): Apogee? Ugh… Yeah, he was on his way.

(Reza does that last attack again. Amp is knocked over a second time.)

Amp: Stop that!

(He throws some lightning at Reza and then runs over to Ira’s group.)

Amp: I don’t know if he got in here before that barrier went up though.

Baron von Boom: We don’t need that shorty.

Omen: Maybe, but I’d rather have too much help than not enough.

Lady Ira: Same. In the meantime, we gotta figure out Reza’s weakness.

Baron von Boom: His weakness is my sword! I just gotta hit him hard enough.

(He rushes forward again, this time charging some of his fist-energy into his sword. Taking no chances, Reza draws his own sword and blocks the attack. The Baron continues slashing at the supervillain, who continues to block but doesn’t bother with attacking.)

Lady Ira: Mouuu, he’s just toying with the Baron. Jeez. Omen, Amp, how’s about you hit him from the back while he’s being so smug?

Omen: Sure thing.

(Amp jumps on his disc and flies above Reza while Omen manipulates some debris. Amp strikes first, hitting Reza from above, and Omen follows suit by hitting Reza in the back. The attacks are partially deflected by whatever invisible barrier is surrounding Reza, but it’s enough to make him flinch. The Baron tries to take this opportunity to plant his sword in Reza’s throat, but at the last minute Reza’s able to block with his own blade. The Baron pushes against Reza’s defense, trying to get through and land a hit, but is pushed backward. Amp tries hitting Reza again, but Reza deflects it and shoots Amp out of the sky. Amp skids on the ground, landing at Ira’s feet.)

Lady Ira: You okay?

Amp (groaning): Never better.

(Amp gets up. Meanwhile, Baron’s launching another offensive. He starts to be getting the hang of mixing his powers with swordfighting, as he’s got an even more powerful energy bolt loaded into the sword’s blade, which is now glowing a bright blue color. Reza seems to be having more trouble deflecting the attacks, but that isn’t saying much since he wasn’t having much trouble before. Lady Ira bites her thumbnail, trying to think of a strategy.)

Omen: Have you got anything?

Lady Ira (shaking her head): No. I keep thinking if you could restrain his limbs then the Baron could get him with the sword, but as it is he seems to have some sort of barrier and I don’t think you could get through…

Amp: So we gotta wear down the barrier.

Lady Ira: You think you can?

Amp: He’s expending a lot of energy with this storm, I’d bet. We can try.

(He pauses, then gets out his cell phone. He tries dialing a number.)

Amp: … static.

Omen: Trying to call Apogee?

Amp: He’d have a much easier time attacking than the Baron, since he can take more punishment.

Omen: Well, until he shows up, we gotta handle this ourselves.

Amp: Yeah.

(Amp gets back on his now-scorched disc, flying circles around Reza as he shoots bolt after bolt of ineffectual lightning. Omen joins in too, throwing debris at Reza. Reza tries to shoot Amp, but he dodges and parries with a lightning bolt. The Baron tries to attack again, only to be blocked. Amp grins, getting an idea. He holds out a hand, trying to control Reza’s sword. Reza finds himself unable to move the sword, and as the Baron comes for another attack, he has to duck to dodge the blow. Cath takes control of the sword completely, trying to hack and slash at Reza. Now Reza’s dodging both the Baron’s blade and his own. Seeing the opportunity, Omen proceeds to barrage Reza from the rear, hoping that this constant assault will wear down his barrier.)

(This goes on for a moment or so, before they all notice that Reza seems to be charging up for an attack. Preferring to play it safe, they all fall back, giving Ira just enough time to put up a barrier before Reza launches a brutal volley of black bolts. Ira flinches as she blocks the attack, her hands shaking under the strain. The Baron puts his hands on her shoulders, trying to lend some support. The attack ends and Ira falls to her knees, heaving.)

Baron von Boom (helping her to her feet): Kak ti?

Lady Ira: I’m fine…

Omen: You don’t look fine.

Lady Ira: I said I’m fine. I swear, I’m not passing out this time. =<

Reza: This is all futile. You know I’m just playing with you right now.

Amp: Hah! We had you on the ropes!

Reza: Hardly. I’m merely drawing this out. I want you all to realize the futility of your struggle… I want you to have time to suffer, for the terror to take hold as you realize your inevitable fate…

Lady Ira: You’re so cheesy it hurts!

Reza: Everyone in this city… no, everyone in the world… they will all perish. You will merely be the first—you will have plenty of company soon!

(Reza prepares another volley. Fearing Ira can’t handle another, Omen levitates the remains of a nearby car and pummels Reza with it.)

Baron von Boom: Was that my car?!

Omen: Er… possibly?

Baron von Boom: Godsdammit! That car was worth more than you!

Omen: Oh, please.

(The Baron rushes Reza again)

Baron von Boom: You’ll pay for ruining my beautiful car!!

(He and Reza begin exchanging blows again. Omen and Amp tend to Ira)

Lady Ira: I told you I’m fine.

Amp: We could get you out of here. I’m sure Omen can tell you where Arco’s hiding and you two can—

Lady Ira: I’m not leaving! (She shoves Amp a little bit, although she really doesn’t have the strength to move him at all) You guys need me. I can’t just abandon you.

Omen: Ira, you…

Lady Ira: A leader doesn’t abandon her team, dammit. Not even a weak leader like me.

Omen: …

Amp: Have it your way.

(Amp walks off to continue fighting, resuming his previous strategy. By now, though, Reza seems to be getting pretty good at dodging both swords. Suddenly, he’s hit by two laser blasts—everyone looks up and sees Apogee flying above.)

Apogee: Need some help?

Baron von Boom: No.

Amp: Yes.

(Reza shoots at Apogee. He dodges, and flies over to Omen and Ira.)

Apogee: So what’s going on here?

Omen: Not completely sure. Looks like he and Dalix had a fight and his son ended up dead. He must’ve lost control of his powers.

Apogee: Ah. Sort of like that one time you—

Omen: No. Not like me.

Lady Ira: Well, it’s a bit more sustained than yours, but…

Apogee: Maybe it’s just one of those things? For you people with mental powers.

Omen: It is not. Now go help them fight, would you?

Apogee: Do we have a strategy?

Lady Ira: Relentless barrage.

Apogee: Ah. Simple enough.

(Apogee flies over and flies circles around Reza, shooting eye lasers at him all the while. Meanwhile, Omen resumes levitating the car, attempting to hit Reza whenever the Baron’s out of the way. None of this seems to be doing much of anything. Finally, Reza gets annoyed and goes on the offensive. He swipes at Amp first—at the last minute Amp’s able to summon up some lightning to act as a buffer, preventing him from getting too badly hurt, but he still flies backwards a ways. He strikes the Baron next, also sending him flying. Then he shoots at Apogee—he has to try a few times, as Apogee dodges the first few attacks, but eventually shoots him out of the sky as well. It seems that he wasn’t trying to kill them just yet—they’re all hurt, but otherwise okay.)

(Now that he’s not preoccupied with the others, he floats forward towards Omen and Ira. Ira puts up a barrier.)

Reza: You will be the first, Omen.

(He charges some black energy into his fist and smashes it into Ira’s barrier. Ira groans, but holds strong. But when he hits it a second time, her strength gives out and the barrier breaks. As she falls to the ground, Omen looks back, levitates a stone behind him and hits Reza in the torso with it. He hits with enough speed that Reza skids backwards a couple feet, thanks to the lack of traction his floating gives him, but he’s otherwise unaffected. He starts charging energy. Apogee, the first to have recovered from Reza’s attacks, runs over and tries to punch Reza out, but his fists are blocked by Reza’s barrier and it doesn’t do anything. Reza punches Apogee, once again knocking him away.)

(Omen tries throwing something else at Reza, but this time Reza just swats the stones away.)

(Reza holds out a hand, and a wave of blackness shoots forward at Omen and Ira. Omen puts himself between it and Ira, the blast knocking the both of them over.)

Lady Ira: Omen!!

Omen: I’m okay…

Reza: Suffer.

(He blasts Omen again and again. He doesn’t use fatal blasts yet—as he said, he wants Omen to suffer first.)

Omen (in bad shape): Ugh…

Lady Ira: Dammit… (She tries to put up a new barrier, but she can’t. She’s completely drained.)

Omen: It’s okay, don’t worry.

Reza: Empty words. We all know that this is the end.

(Reza charges an attack briefly—this one isn’t just intended to scare Omen, it’s meant to finish him off. Omen first tries throwing whatever he can at Reza, but the energy swirling around Reza easily breaks apart anything approaching him. In desperation, Omen tries to use his powers to move Reza himself, but to no avail. The fact is, he’s scared, and he can’t focus well enough to do such a difficult attack. Omen puts himself between Reza and Ira, hoping that at least if he helps Ira survive this attack, then the Baron will be able to save her. As Reza brings his hand forward, sending the black energy towards them, Omen averts his eyes.)

Omen (thinking): Ipati… I didn’t mean to come meet you so soon.

(There’s the sound of the attack making impact, but Omen is quick to realize that it hasn’t hit him. Assuming that Apogee’s shielded them, he looks up. Instead of seeing the short, green-haired Apogee, he sees Indrid instead.)

Omen: What…

(Indrid looks back at Omen, then falls to his knees.)

Reza: Who are you supposed to be? Don’t interfere!

(Reza pulls his hand back, readying another attack. Shocked and operating mostly on instinct, Omen holds out a hand and uses his powers—Reza freezes in place, covered in a faint green glow. Reza looks shocked and tries in vain to move. Omen groans under the strain—his powers are not meant to be used on people, and fighting Reza’s every movement is tremendously painful. Finally he works up enough strength to push Reza back, right into where the now-recovered Baron is. As the Baron engages Reza, Omen kneels next to Indrid.)

Omen: Indrid! The hell are you doing here?

Indrid: You have been damaged…

Omen: Well, yeah, but what about you?

Indrid (his voice slowing): I could not… allow you to… be eliminated.

Omen: I could have survived, you didn’t have to—

Indrid (slowing further): Chances of survival… were less than… zero point zero… zero zero one… percent. Even then, with severe injuries… you would not have… survived the remainder… of the conflict…

(Indrid stops moving entirely. Omen shakes him, but it does nothing. Indrid hasn’t gone limp, he hasn’t fallen over—he’s simply stopped in place. Omen’s mind races. Is Indrid dead? Surely he can’t die, can he? He’s older than the Sun. People that old don’t just die saving humans like me. Don’t his people need him? Don’t people take his advice seriously? What are they going to do without him?)

(Trembling, injured and exhausted, Omen stands.)

(He feels that familiar rush of power—the same one he felt before he defeated Reza the first time. But this time, his mind is clear. He’s not half-crazed by pain. He knows he can’t allow it to explode, lest he hurt his friends. He knows he can’t let himself lose control. He remembers what Ipati told him before… that maybe this was the real extent of his powers, and maybe he could control it…)

(He starts chanting his meditation mantra, trying to stay focused.)

Omen: Aum namah Shivaya…

(Much of the debris flying around, previously under the influence of Reza’s powers, circles around Omen. The Baron notices, grins, and backs away from Reza. Omen sends the debris flying toward Reza who swats many of the objects away, and the rest are deflected by his barrier. Omen tries again, sending every loose object in the area shooting toward Reza at breakneck speed. Reza gets hit by a few, but most are ineffectual. Omen grits his teeth and takes hold of the ground under Reza’s feet—Reza stumbles as the ground goes up and up, then crumbles away, sending him falling into a pit. Before he can get back up Omen slams the crumbled ground rocks into the pit, burying Reza in the rubble. It’s silent for a brief moment before Reza re-emerges with a blast, flying toward Omen at breakneck speed. Omen throws more stuff at Reza, only for it to be deflected. At the last moment Omen freezes Reza again and throws him back.)

(As Reza tumbles away, Omen falls to his knees. He breathes heavily, exhausted. He’s using too much energy too quickly and getting nothing accomplished.)

(Reza stumbles to his feet.)

Reza: All that power, and I still outmatch you. How did I ever lose to you before?

Omen: Sh—shut it.

Reza: You cannot win. Give in to despair.

Omen: Is that… is that all you are?

Reza: What?

Omen: All that power, it’s what? Despair?

Reza: Perhaps.

Omen: Is that why you’re so powerful now? You run on sadness, something like that?

Reza: It doesn’t matter. This power will end you.

Omen: No, no… that’s just… that’s sad. You’re at your most powerful when you don’t even want to live? What sort of power is that?

Reza: The power that will kill you, that’s what!

(Reza sends out a wave of black energy—Omen responds with a wave of debris, which absorbs the blast harmlessly.)

Reza: Kch…!

Omen: You can’t beat me.

(He throws several cars at Reza, knocking the angst-ridden villain backward.)

Omen: Because I’m at my strongest when I want to live!

(Omen continues throwing things at Reza. This continues to be effective for a bit, but eventually Reza’s barrier starts working again and he deflects everything. Xeno looks around for something new to throw, when Ira tugs on his scarf.)

Lady Ira: Psst. Remember what I said before?

Omen: No.

Lady Ira: Restrain him. Let the Baron use that sword, you know?

(Omen nods. He looks around, and finds a few uprooted metal signposts lying about. He takes these and shoots one at Reza. When Reza tries to swat one away, Omen moves it and wraps it around Reza’s arm. While Reza tries to get the first one off, Omen repeats the process with a second one, getting hold of Reza’s other arm as well. By manipulating the wrapped signposts, Omen’s able to manipulate Reza’s arms without the strain that would come from controlling him directly. He holds Reza’s arms out, hoping to leave him open for attack, but Reza struggles against it. Omen reacts by manipulating some disconnected power lines. He wraps the lines around Reza’s arms and tethers them, one by one, to every nearby structure. Reza still continues to struggle, but this at least succeeds in holding him in place.)

Omen: Baron! Now!

Baron von Boom: Just what I was waiting for!

(Grinning from ear to ear, the Baron rushes forward. He thrusts his sword forward, aiming for Reza’s heart.)

(Reza, however, has been struggling against his bonds this whole time, and it’s just then that he manages to break free.)

(Selanio’s sword makes contact, but it doesn’t pierce Reza’s heart. Instead, Reza finds the blade lodged squarely in the upper right part of his chest. It’s not what the Baron was aiming for, but it’s still a grievous injury.)

(Regardless, Reza laughs.)

Reza: You think… you think this will stop me?

(Black energy starts swirling around him. It knocks the Baron back, leaving the Russian villain unable to remove the sword from Reza’s chest.)

Reza: Nothing will stop my vengeance, you fools! I don’t care what happens to me… if I die, so be it! But I will kill you all before that happens!

Amp: Hey, asshole!

(Reza doesn’t even acknowledge Amp, who by now is being supported by Apogee after the last blow he took. After all, Amp is still just as easily injured as a normal human, despite his powers. Amp grimaces at being ignored.)

Amp: Hey, I’m talking to you! You remember the last time we fought, yeah? Remember what I said to you?

(Reza glances back at Amp.)

Amp: I said I’d kill you. I thought it was worth repeating.

(Amp points a single finger forward. Lightning shoots forth from it, hitting the sword lodged in Reza’s lung. Electricity surges through the metal and into Reza’s body, bypassing his barrier entirely.)

(As Reza writhes, the storm around them weakens. They can once again see the sky and the city around them. Amp doesn’t stop.)

Apogee: Th—that’s enough, Cath! He’s done for!

(Amp continues nonetheless. By now Reza’s on the ground, writhing and burning from the inside out. Rocks fall out of the sky, no longer held aloft by Reza’s powers, and Omen has to use his powers to gently lower the platform they’re standing on, lest it plummet to the ground with them on it. Cath’s onslaught continues a little longer, and by now even the Baron’s finding it difficult to watch. Finally Amp stops. Everyone stands, almost expecting Reza to get back up again.)

Apogee: … that was too much, Cath.

Amp: I had to be sure.

Apogee: He was just… he was sad his son was dead. And you…

Amp: I ended it before he could.

Baron von Boom (walking up and punching Amp in the arm): You stole my kill.

Amp (grinning): You jelly?

Baron von Boom: Pfft, as if. You wouldn’t have gotten that shot without me and you know it.

Amp: Pff. Maybe I’ll concede to that.

(They walk up to Omen and Ira. Ira’s sitting upright, still out of breath but otherwise okay. Omen’s standing, his eyes aglow and his powers still in effect. Indrid still sits nearby, unmoving.)

Apogee: Are you okay, Omen?

Omen: Yeah… just… (He covers his face with his hand, closing his eyes tightly) Trying to… find the off switch, so to speak…

Baron von Boom (helping Ira to her feet): Disappointing, I was hoping to see some city-destroying action again. This wasn’t nearly as cool as last time.

Lady Ira: Reza already destroyed everything around here though.

Baron von Boom: Good point.

(The glow from Omen’s powers begins to dissipate. He lets out a deep breath, then kneels to check on Indrid.)

Omen: Indrid, okay, it’s safe now.

(Indrid doesn’t respond)

Omen: Come on. You can’t be dead, Indrid… you can’t…

Amp: Uh, guys?

Omen: Please, don’t die! I never told you… I… I don’t blame you for Ipati’s death. I don’t blame you for anything. (His voice cracks) I… my life was shit before you started meddling with it. You helped me so much. Please…

Smith: He is alive.

(Omen looks up and sees Smith standing over him.)

Omen: What—

Amp: Why does no one listen when I try to warn you about spooky guys approaching?

Smith: He is badly damaged. He has altered his body’s time flow to allow me time to treat him.

Omen: So he’s just…

Smith: In a sort of stasis, you might say.

Omen: Oh.

(Smith kneels down and picks Indrid up. He turns to leave.)

Omen: H-hey, did he actually hear any of what I just said?

Smith: Most likely.

Omen: Oh. Well. (He feels a little stupid)

Smith: I will be going now. We will see you in time.

(Smith leaves, disappearing behind a half-destroyed wall. Apogee looks around at the devastated landscape)

Apogee: Well, it looks better than downtown did, anyway… still, reporting this is going to be awful.

Amp: Have fun with that. I’m gonna go find Arco and take her home.

(Amp jumps onto his flying disc.)

Apogee: Hey, you can’t just leave me here to—

(Amp flies off. Apogee groans.)

Lady Ira: Well, sucks to be you.

Apogee: What, you’re leaving too?!

Baron von Boom: Pfft, yeah, like we’re gonna help the hero with his paperwork.

Omen: Make sure not to take all the credit, now.

Lady Ira: Have fun!

(The three run off—kind of slowly, though, since both Omen and Ira are still hurting pretty badly—leaving Apogee alone with three dead villain bodies and a lot of rubble. Apogee sighs and calls the Professor.)

—End: Episode two hundred three.

202. At its source.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:22:14 -0400

(We find Omen and Arco in about the same place as we left them, at around the same time. Omen’s looking around, his eyes glowing as he tries to sense his surroundings beyond what he can see.)

Arco: What do you think just happened?

Omen: Who knows. He’s inexperienced with his powers now, maybe he just lost control of them.

Arco: You think?

Omen: Like I said, who knows. This is all kinds of weird.

Arco: It kind of reminds me of a video game.

Omen: What?

Arco: It’s like, there’s always that level, you know? The one where it’s all dark and spooky and the ground’s just a bunch of levitating rocks and you gotta jump from rock to rock.

Omen (has totally seen that before): … that’s actually a pretty apt comparison. (His eyes stop glowing) This weird storm thing seems to only cover the docks and some of the river. It shouldn’t take too long to get out.

Arco: Okay. Which way?

Omen: Good question.

(He pulls out his phone and starts fiddling with its GPS app.)

Arco: What, you can’t use your powers to sense which way to go?

Omen: This whole… thing… is interfering with my powers. All I can sense is where it ends… but I rather we not take a chance and end up bumping into the river, especially since the ground can up and attack us and drop us in at any time…

(He fiddles some more)

Omen: Damn, it’s messing with my phone reception too… ah! Here. (He points) East. I think that should be the shortest path.

(They start walking. Omen continues playing with his phone.)

Arco: So… you carry your phone around when villain-ing?

Omen: Why not?

Arco: I dunno. Kind of ruins the illusion, don’t you think?

Omen: Thus why I keep it on silent.

Arco: Hm. You know, you use the same kind of phone as this friend of mine…

Omen: That so. (He dials Ira’s number and puts the phone to his ear.)

(It rings a few times, then Ira picks up. On the other end is all static.)

Omen: Ira? You there? Hello?

(More static. He can barely make out Ira’s voice, but can’t hear what she’s saying. Eventually, the call drops. Omen sighs and puts the phone away.)

Arco: Well?

Omen: Well, I know Ira’s alive. I’m sure the Baron’s okay then, too. Now come on, move faster.

(The two keep walking. Eventually they find themselves forced to start climbing various outcroppings of asphalt, and even jumping from floating rock to floating rock to get past obstructions, just as in Arco’s video games. As they walk across a larger hunk of floating ground, Arco speaks up again.)

Arco: So uh… I’m sorry about that whole… you know.

Omen: Hm.

Arco: I followed your advice. I started looking at other boys. I fell for this one guy, but he doesn’t like me… I’m dating this other guy now. I think you know him. His name’s Cath.

Omen: Yeah, I know.

Arco: He told you?

Omen: Something like that…

Arco: Oh. How awkward.

Omen: Yep.

Arco: It’s not really serious yet. We’ve only been on one date.

Omen: That’s nice.

Arco: You okay?

Omen: Just fine.

Arco: I still wish I could’ve gotten to know you though. (She laughs) One of my friends thinks that maybe I already know your alter ego and don’t realize it.

Omen: Ah. That’s funny.

Arco: It’s… not true, is it?

Omen: No.

(They get to the end of the landmass. They look down to see no other stones to jump onto, and the ground is a long way down.)

Arco: What now? I guess we could go back and go around that pile of rubble…

Omen: Hold on.

(He concentrates. A few boulders from the ground float up under his power and form stepping stones.)

Omen: You first.

(She hops down, stone by stone, until she’s on the ground. Omen then follows suit until, about halfway through, the weird dark wind kicks up and the stones he’s on go all haywire and fling him around a bit. He falls to the ground, rolls a few times and stops. He groans.)

Omen: Ugh… that sucked…

Arco: You okay?

Omen: Yeah… just a bit bruised. (He gets up and dusts himself off) Nothing to worry about. (He notices that Arco’s looking at him funny) What?

Arco: Your scarf…

Omen: Huh? (He puts a hand to where his scarf goes—it’s gone) What?! (He looks around to find it caught on some debris nearby—it must have come off while he was rolling around) Shit!

(He runs over and grabs it. He hurriedly puts it back on.)

Arco: You… wait. What?

Omen: No use dawdling, start walking.

Arco: You just said I didn’t know your alter ego!

Omen: You don’t!

Arco: Yes I do!

Omen (facepalming): Okay, I lied! Supervillain, secret identity! What do you expect?

Arco: But if you’re… then… all those times I… oh jeez. (her face turns bright red) Just… just leave me here to die now, okay.

Omen: Don’t be a drama queen.

(He starts walking. She follows.)

Arco: But… but you work in a shop! You’re a supervillain, you rob banks every day, you have all these powers… and you just work in our little shop?

Omen: I’m an underachiever, sue me.

Arco: You could at least, I don’t know, work as a psychic or something!

Omen: And draw attention to myself?

Arco: Oh. Good point.

Omen: Besides, then I’d end up with some crazy cult following. I’ve already got fangirls, like I really need anything worse.

Arco: What—hey, fangirls aren’t bad.

Omen: Man, I’ve seen your website. I know what they post there.

Arco (blushing again): Oh jeez, a lot of that fanfiction seems so inappropriate now… also inaccurate. You know fanon has you living in a mansion?

Omen: God, I have fanon?

Arco: A whole wiki category full of it.

Omen: Like… a small category, right? Full of stubs?

Arco: A very robust one.

Omen: Fuck my life.

(They arrive at what looks like a wall of swirling energy. They stop, looking at it.)

Omen: That should be the end of it. Past that, things are normal.

Arco: Thank goodness. (She tries to walk through, but bumps into it. Turns out, it’s solid.) Ouch!

Omen: Uh oh. (He puts a hand to it) I, uh… I hadn’t accounted for that.

Arco: So we can’t get out?

Omen: Seems not.

Arco: What now?

(Omen sighs and runs his hand through his hair)

Omen: Guess I gotta kill this thing at its source.

Arco: Aw man, that sounded really cool.

Omen: It’s not cool, it’s annoying and really dangerous.

Arco: Well, maybe Ira and the Baron have the same idea.

Omen: I can only hope. Anyway, you stay here. Besides that hiccup there, it seems kind of stable around here and if the barrier weakens at all you can make a break for it.

Arco: Okay.

Omen: See you around.

(He turns away.)

Arco: Hey, wait.

(He looks over his shoulder at her. She grabs his arm, turns him towards her, and plants a small kiss right on his lips. He backs up, looking pretty shocked.)

Omen: What the hell was that?

Arco: For luck, you know?

Omen: Don’t do that!

Arco: Sorry.

Omen: Ugh… well, I guess it’s not too bad. At least if I die, I’ll have gotten some action beforehand… (he shakes his head) But we aren’t making a habit of it!

Arco (laughing): Okay. Just don’t die and we can proceed with not making a habit.

Omen (annoyed): Right. Anyway. I’m off.

(He turns and leaves, for real this time, heading for the epicenter of the storm.)

—End: Episode two hundred two

201. Help.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:20:20 -0400

(We find Reza, Dalix and Stesha standing around on top of warehouse 18. Arco’s inside, tied down so she won’t get away. It’s almost time for Omen to show up.)

Stesha: You sure you’re ready for this, dad?

Reza: I’ve never been more sure of anything.

Dalix: That’s right! After all, he’s got me to back him up.

Reza: Actually, Dalix, I won’t be needing your assistance.

Dalix: What are you talking about? I—

Reza: In fact, after this, Stesha and I will be heading out on our own. Once Omen is gone I see no more reason to stay here.

Dalix: What? You’re leaving me?

Reza: There’s no need to sound so surprised. You had to have realized that this was a temporary arrangement. I’m Reza, after all—I’m beholden to no one.

Dalix: Dammit, what the hell is this?! You need me, Reza! There’s no way you’ll take down Omen without me, let alone avoid the authorities afterward!

Reza: I think I’ll manage.

Dalix: What—Dwayne put you up to this, didn’t he? What did he tell you?

Reza: He told me enough, although I had my suspicions to begin with. Let’s end this now. You’ll leave, and I’ll leave you alone. Simple as that.

Dalix: No, not simple as that. You OWE me. You owed me long before you lost your memories, dammit. I helped you, I funneled money to you and fed you all the information I could find, and all you did in return was refuse to break me out of jail. And here out of the kindness of my own heart I deigned to help you out once again, and this is how you repay me?!

Reza: Don’t pretend this was an act of charity. You were using me to further yourself.

Dalix: And so what? You know what you told me, back then? Before the first time you betrayed me? You said when you started your new world order, I’d get to be in charge. Me! You said you weren’t interested in governing as long as some other super could do it, and you said I’d be perfect for the job. That’s what our relationship has always been. I support you, you pay me back in status. Keep your end of the bargain, goddammit!

Reza: I don’t need your support. Since I don’t remember ever making this bargain with you to begin with, I’m calling it off.

Dalix: You can’t just—

(Dalix grabs Reza by the arm. Without hesitation, Reza rips his arm free and shoots Dalix with a blast of energy. Dalix hits the ground, clutching his burnt chest.)

Dalix: You… you son of a bitch…!

Reza: Oh, you survived. I forgot how resilient you are.

(Reza blasts Dalix again, again and again. Dalix lies there, still alive and writhing in pain. He’s definitely wounded beyond hope. Reza turns and walks to Stesha.)

Reza: And that’s the end of that. Come, Stesha. We have to get you somewhere safe before the fight begins.

Stesha: Hah, you showed him. That’s what happens to anyone who tries to boss you around.

Reza: Absolutely.

(Meanwhile, as they’re talking, Dalix is reaching into his tattered jacket. He pulls out his gun. Knowing the end is nigh, there’s only one thought on his mind.)

Dalix (thinking): I won’t die alone. I won’t die alone.

(He tries to aim with his shaking hands. His vision’s dimming and he can’t see well enough to tell where they are, so he just shoots in the direction of the voices. He keeps shooting, over and over, hoping to hit something, until he’s emptied his clip. He thinks to reach for the extra ammo in his jacket, to keep shooting and make sure that traitor’s bit the big one, but already his hands have become heavy. He drops his gun, his arms going limp, and lies there.)

(He can’t hear anything now. Not Reza’s voice, not Stesha’s, not even the river.)

(His last thoughts are of all the things that he should have said to Damon that last time they met.)

(As Dalix is breathing his last breaths, Stesha falls to the ground, blood quickly staining his shirt from the exit wound in his chest. His expression is pure shock; he was hit by the first bullet fired and had no warning. Reza, too, is shocked. He stands dumbfounded as more bullets whizz by, snapping out of his stupor only when Stesha speaks.)

Stesha: Dad… dad.

(Reza falls to his knees and takes his son into his arms. He chokes, trying to think of what to do.)

Reza: Hold on, Stesha. You’ll be okay. I’ll find help.

(He can’t call an ambulance, as he doesn’t know if the authorities’ enthusiasm for killing him extends to his son as well. He knows Dalix knew an underworld doctor, but Reza never bothered to pay attention to that mobster stuff. Dalix’s men are nearby, but they wouldn’t be keen to help after what he’s done to their leader.)

(And then the thought creeps in: This is all my fault.)

(He sobs. He doesn’t mean to—he wants to be strong, for Stesha’s sake. But he can’t help it. Stesha’s the only family he has, the only thing left in the world he cares about. And here he is, bleeding and gasping for breath in his arms. And it’s all his fault.)

Stesha (struggling to breathe): Help…

(Reza can’t think of anything to do, so he just holds Stesha closer.)

Reza: I love you. Stesha, I love you so much.

(Under any other circumstances, he might have noticed the black energy crackling around him.)

(Meanwhile, downstairs in the warehouse proper, our villains walk in to find the warehouse empty save for Arco, who’s tied to one of the structural pillars. They look around and, not seeing anything amiss, tentatively walk toward the young otaku.)

Baron von Boom: Man, where is he? What sort of loser is late to his own ambush?

Lady Ira: Man, this is kinda creepy.

(They get over to Arco, who looks exhausted and terrified. Omen kneels and inspects the ropes tying her there, looking for bombs and whatnot.)

Omen: No tricks.

Baron von Boom (brandishing his sword): Stand back, I’ll cut her loose!

(He raises the sword. Ira stops him.)

Lady Ira: Don’t be ridiculous, you’ll kill the poor girl. (She pulls a kunai from her sleeve) This is a job for King Ira.

(Lady Ira starts cutting the ropes. The Baron scoffs.)

Baron von Boom: “Poor girl”? That doesn’t sound very villainous. She’s a future slave, get it right.

Omen (annoyed):Guys! Be serious. I’m sure this is all part of his plan. (He looks around, sensing something but unable to make sense of it) I’m sure he’s just waiting for us to lower our guard…

Lady Ira: Sorry. I wish he’d just attack already and get it over with.

(She finishes cutting the ropes. Arco pulls off the handkerchief covering her mouth.)

Arco: Guys, I’m so sorry! This guy came into my store and grabbed me, I swear I tried to fight him but…

Omen (urgently): Is Dou—er—your boss okay?

Arco (Perplexed by his question): Um… yeah, I think so. They just locked him in the other room…

Omen: Okay. (He stands up) Alright… how are we gonna do this?

Lady Ira: You and Arco stick close to me so I can cover you. Baron, you scout ahead.

Baron von Boom: Awesome. He better not pull any back attacks while I’m scouting.

Omen: I’ll watch our rear, don’t worry.

Baron von Boom: I meant that more like, I wanna see him try and take me on.

Omen: Oh. Well.

Lady Ira: C’mon guys, let’s focus.

(The three start to move. Just before they get outside, the ground rumbles. The four stop, trying not to lose their footing. Masses of black energy start surging through the building, passing through the walls and destroying everything they come in contact with.)

(Ira puts up a barrier to block them, but it’s just then when the black energy starts coming out of the floor as well. The ground under them crumbles and heaves. Ira loses her balance and falls. She’s caught by the Baron, but her barrier breaks. The various chunks of ground raise up and float in midair. Omen and Arco find themselves getting separated from Ira and the Baron. Omen holds his hands out, trying to bring his chunk of ground closer to theirs, but it’s no use. This levitation is being willed by something much stronger than he.)

(The surroundings go dark. Nearby he can see more debris flying around, but everything else is a swirling storm of black. He can’t even gauge how fast they’re moving or how far they’re going.)

(He feels Arco grab his arm.)

(Soon, he can see the ground under them. It’s fragmented and devastated and fast approaching. Their boulder smashes into it and the two tumble off of their footing. They pull themselves off the ground, looking at their surroundings.)

(Luckily, the section of ground they’re on is stable. All around, though, the streets are being torn apart, breaking into boulders that float up and away. It’s dark and hard to see very far. Omen makes a mental note that Selanio’s car is probably wrecked, and that he’ll probably have to help pay for a new one since it was his idea to come here in the first place.)

Arco: Do you think this is all Reza?

Omen: Yes.

(He knows it. All of this energy definitely feels like Reza’s powers. But it’s stronger than ever before. Why did Reza never do anything like this when he was at full strength? Has something unexpected happened? Did something go wrong?)

Arco: Do you think you can beat him?

Omen: I don’t know. (He looks her straight in the eye.) We have to get out of here.

—End: Episode two hundred one

200. Let's roll.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:18:15 -0400

(The scene is Xeno’s store. He’s getting ready to leave, as his shift has ended. Arco walks in, her shift about to begin, looking a little nervous.)

Xeno: You okay?

Arco: Yeah. There’s this weird guy outside, I thought he was following me for a second there.

Xeno: What’d he look like?

Arco: He was… no, nevermind, I’m being silly. I’m sure we were just walking in the same direction.

Xeno: Okay… well, Dougal’s in the back room, if you need him just yell.

Arco: Okay. Thanks.

(Xeno leaves, waving as he goes out the door. He looks around outside, looking for suspicious figures, but doesn’t see anything. Shrugging, he walks to the parking lot and leaves.)

(It’s a few more hours before he returns home, as he first goes to the bookstore for a while. When he gets home and walks in the door, Selan jumps to her feet.)

Selan: Xeno! Where’ve you been?!

Xeno: Shopping. Why?

Selan: Watch! (She fiddles with the TV’s DVR.)

(She brings up a recent news broadcast. But instead of Deus and Drei Valdis reading the news, Reza is standing at the news desk. It would seem that he’s barged in and hijacked the show, but Selan was unable to hit record fast enough to catch the takeover. Reza is in mid-sentence when the recording starts.)

Reza (via TV): —listening, Omen, because this message is for you. I’ve heard about your associations with this girl— (The camera pans, sloppily, to show Arco, tied up and gagged, being restrained by Dalix. She’s struggling against her bonds, but to no avail.) —and I’m here to tell you that I will kill her if you don’t come to the shipping docks, warehouse 18, at seven o’clock tonight. Let me say that again: I will kill her. Seven o’clock, warehouse 18. Come and fight me.

(He turns and leaves. The camera follows as Dalix joins him, dragging the struggling Arco behind. They leave the studio. The camera then pans back to Deus and Drei, both looking a little beat up, who begin to recap what’s just happened for any viewers that weren’t paying attention.)

(Xeno leans against the couch for support.)

Xeno: Whu… but I just saw her two hours ago.

Selanio: Well, looks like Reza snatched her right after, then.

Xeno: When did this air?

Selan: A little bit ago.

Xeno: Shit… seven o’clock… that’s like a half hour from now.

Selanio: Don’t worry about it. You know Apogee’s probably already on his way.

Xeno: …

Selanio: I doubt Reza’s up to full strength yet.

Xeno: I can’t risk it.

(Xeno rushes to his room)

Selanio: Aww, what! You’re not suiting up, are you?

Xeno (through his door): I am!

Selanio: It’s too dangerous, dammit! You know he’ll have things set up in his favor. Fuck, did you SEE Dalix there? I bet you ten bucks he’ll be using that stupid fear power of his to fuck up your powers.

Xeno: What am I supposed to do, let Arco die?

Selanio: Let the heroes handle it! It’s what they’re there for. Hell, Cath would give his right arm for the chance to rescue her anyway.

(Omen steps out of his bedroom, putting on his scarf.)

Omen: I’m not letting a hero fight my battles for me.

Selanio: Fffff—godsdammit. Fine. I’ll go change. (He goes into his own room to suit up.)

Selan: I will too.

(Selan goes into her room.)

Omen: You guys don’t need to. I mean, it’s not your battle.

Selanio: Comrades fight for each other!

Selan: Besides, Arco’s more my friend than she is yours!

Omen: Guys…

(Baron von Boom steps out of his room, carrying the sword Xeno got him in India. He grins.)

Baron von Boom: I know what you’re trying to pull here. You want to do that dramatic thing where the guy goes, (He makes a dramatic voice) “No guys, this is something I’ve got to do on my own.” (He drops the voice) And then he goes off on his own and makes some stupid heroic sacrifice that he wouldn’t have had to make if he’d just let his friends come with him.

Omen: I wasn’t—

Lady Ira (walking out of her room): Those guys never come back after, anyway. We’re not gonna let you do that.

Omen: Okay, okay. Come with, then.

Baron von Boom: Damn right. Let’s roll.

(They do just that. They rush into Selanio’s car and head off. Meanwhile, Cath’s suiting up as well, muttering under his breath.)

Cath: Fucking Reza… I’m going to kill that bastard.

—End: Episode two hundred

199. Calm down.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:17:24 -0400

(We find ourselves at the headquarters of the Lords company. Damon’s been working late in his office, trying to get some paperwork done. As he reads over the latest in a long pile of proposals, he hears the door to his office quietly open and shut. He looks up to see Dalix standing, hands in pockets, in front of him.)

Dalix: Hey there.

Damon (unsettled): Dalix.

Dalix: Calm down. I’m not here to kill you or whatever.

Damon: Oh.

Dalix: I mean, you’re pretty high-profile. If I got caught, it’d bring a lot of attention my way that I can’t really afford… you understand.

Damon: Right… Why are you here, then?

Dalix: Checking up on my little brother, is all. When’s the ice queen expecting?

Damon: Soon.

Dalix: Way to be specific. Boy or girl?

Damon: It’s a boy.

Dalix: What’re you naming him?

Damon: We were thinking of Denou.

Dalix: Denou? What kind of name is that? You oughtta name him after his uncle Dalix. It’d make sure he grows up awesome.

Damon: …

Dalix: Jeez, you’re all serious-face over here, huh.

Damon: How… how have you been?

Dalix: Oh, can’t complain. Well, yeah I can. Had one of my best lackeys walk out on me last week, may have let slip some sensitive information on his way out. I had to clean that up. (He shrugs) But whatever. Me and a friend of mine, we’ve got this great plan.

Damon: I dare not ask.

Dalix: Good, ‘cause I’m not telling you anyway. (He grins) But you should see, I’m doing great. I don’t know what I was thinking trying to take this company, with all its stuffy bullshit. Crime is great. You should really try it.

Damon: No thanks.

Dalix: Suit yourself.

Damon: Dalix, what’s happened to you?

Dalix: Hmm? I had my hair trimmed. Did you notice?

Damon: You were such a good kid… we got along so well when we were little. I don’t understand. When did you change?

Dalix: Hmmhmm, you wish I could say there was one day when everything turned around for me, huh?

Damon: I suppose not…

Dalix: I don’t know, Damon. Maybe I got tired of being in your shadow all the time. People kept forgetting I was the older one—I think dad even forgot, considering you’re the one sitting in that chair.

Damon: That’s not true.

Dalix: Even Dorcia barely acknowledged my existence… as soon as you hit puberty and got all tall, it’s like I wasn’t even there.

Damon: I—I’m sorry.

Dalix: Pfft, no, I take that back. It’s giving you too much credit to pin it on you. (He crosses his arms and smiles) The fact of the matter is, I just realized how nice it is to not have to follow the rules. Fuck responsibility, fuck consequences. You don’t know what you’re missing. I can do anything.

Damon: But it’s going to catch up with you one of these days.

Dalix: I bet you’re just waiting for that day to come.

Damon: I’m terrified for you.

Dalix: I’m sure.

Damon: I’m… I’m actually happy you broke out of jail. I know I wouldn’t help you break out, but you have to know I hated to see you stuck there.

Dalix: Hmph.

Damon: But I just… I wish you could just settle down and stop tempting fate. Just run to another country where you aren’t a fugitive and start a new life. You can party all you want, just stop hurting people.

Dalix: But I’m just so damn good at hurting people.

Damon: Please… please stop.

Dalix: Make me.

Damon: …

Dalix: The only way you’re gonna change me is to use those powers of yours, and I know you don’t have the guts to.

Damon: That’s not the reason at all.

Dalix: Whatever. I’m tired of hearing your tripe. I remember now why I haven’t visited sooner.

Damon: Wait—

Dalix: I’m leaving. Don’t tell a soul I was here.

(Dalix opens the door. Damon stands up)

Damon: Dalix!

Dalix: What now?

Damon: You’re still my brother, and I still love you.

(Dalix smiles, chuckling under his breath)

Dalix: Yeah… I know.

(Dalix leaves, shutting the door behind. Damon sits back down and sighs.)

—End: Episode one hundred ninety-nine

198. It scares me.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:16:42 -0400

(The scene is a bridal shop, where Selan is in the dressing room, trying on a wedding dress. Also there is Xeno and Ann, who have been dragged there to give Selan opinions on dresses. Xeno doesn’t really look like he wants to be there.)

Xeno: I still think you guys are jumping into this way too fast.

Selan (through the dressing room door): And I said you’re jealous!

Xeno: I am not.

Selan: Okay, maybe not. Hey Ann, can you give me a hand here?

Ann: Sure thing.

(Ann goes into the dressing room)

Selan: Anyway, if you’re so jealous of our romance—

Xeno: —I’m not—

Selan: Then why don’t you—oof, too snug—why don’t you seek out your own relationship? I see you and Arco have been getting along better.

Xeno: Not this again…

Selan: Don’t tell me you’re still too scared of girls?

Xeno: That’s not—

Selan: You two are so cute together I could die.

Xeno: We’d never—

Ann: Xeno’s problem is pretty classic. He’s afraid of it going wrong so he won’t make a move.

Selan: You’d think with all he’s been through he wouldn’t be afraid of a little lovin’.

Ann: Any confidence he’d have gotten from that stuff is directly related to that stuff. He can be completely assured in his ability to beat up aliens but still not be comfortable around girls.

Selan: I hope you’re hearing all this good psycho-analyzing!

Xeno: It’s dead wrong!

Ann: Do you think so?

Xeno: Well, maybe not, but that’s neither here nor there. I don’t like Arco.

Ann: That’s too bad.

(The two of them come out of the dressing room; Selan is in an elaborate—and ill-fitting—wedding dress)

Ann: We ought to help you find somebody else.

Xeno: I’m fine, really.

Selan (in front of the mirror): They really don’t make these in my size, do they…

Xeno: Apparently not.

Ann: It’s alright, they do alterations. They can bring it out over here and take it in over here.

Selan: Maybe I could just, you know… stuff my bra.

Ann: Don’t be silly. You’ll look fine.

Xeno: Why am I even here? Isn’t this a girl thing?

Selan: The only other girl friend I have is Arco and she’s working. I needed a second opinion!

Xeno: And you immediately thought of me…

Selan: Yep. Bestest friends and all that.

Xeno: I dunno, seems more appropriate for a gay best friend.

Selan: For shame, Xeno, conforming to gender roles?

Xeno: I just feel like the girls here are giving me funny looks…

Selan: Hopeless, hopeless.

Ann: So is this a good dress, do you think?

Selan: Ugh, I don’t know, all I can think about it how much it’s cutting off the blood flow to my legs. Maybe I need something flowier.

Ann: Good idea. I saw something like that that was really pretty, wait here.

(Ann runs off to find the dress. Selan pulls at her skirt.)

Selan: So what’s really bothering you about this wedding, huh?

Xeno: I already said.

Selan: This is some sort of big brother thing, isn’t it?

Xeno: What? N-no, I…

(Selan gives him a look. He coughs)

Xeno: Maybe a little. I get uncomfortable at the idea of you with any guy.

Selan (grinning): You know, my real big brother’s gonna be at the wedding.

Xeno (having a hard time processing that): What.

Selan (laughing): It’s kinda weird, but lately I think I think of you more as a brother than I do him.

Xeno: Uh… thanks.

Selan: I mean, you actually look out for me. I can’t say that about anyone else in my family, really.

Xeno: Selan…

Selan: Of course, just because I appreciate it doesn’t mean it’s necessary. (She slaps him on the back) I don’t need protecting from Selanio! I’m crazy about him.

Xeno: I know… it’s just… (He hesitates)

Selan: Yeah?

Xeno: I don’t know… I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach, like something’s about to change. I don’t really understand what, but it scares me.

Selan: Is it a psychic thing? Can you even tell the future?

Xeno: God, I hope not… I’d be almost like a mini-Indrid if I could.

Selan: Well, I don’t think you should worry. I mean, not every change is bad, right?

Xeno: That’s true. I guess I’m just kind of basing it on previous things that’ve happened… I’m not sure if my life’s had a lot of positive changes.

Selan: Then you’re overdue one, don’t you think?

Xeno: I hope so…

(Ann comes back with a dress in hand.)

Selan: Ooh, that one is pretty!

(The two girls rush into the dressing room to try on the new dress. Xeno puts his hands in his pockets and gazes across the store, out to the window. Is his premonition related to the wedding, he wonders. Or is something else about to happen? With Reza still on the loose, anything could happen.)

—End: Episode one hundred ninety-eight

197. We're friends, aren't we?

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:15:26 -0400

(We find ourselves in Dalix’s hideout. Annick’s sitting back, still thinking on what he should do. He’s decided to stick with Dalix for now, since he’d prefer to stay under Dalix’s security net for a bit longer. But Angela, on the other hand… she’s been sleeping with the enemy. Or trying to, anyway, but as far as Annick’s concerned that’s just as bad. If Omen had gone along with it, she’d rather be fighting against Reza than with him—he will not tolerate that sort of thing, and there really wasn’t anything stopping him from making her pay.)

(He sighs and leans back into the couch. What to do… what would be most appropriate…?)

Annick: Hmmm.

Dalix (passing by): That sounded thoughtful.

Annick: Oh. It’s nothing.

Dalix: Hey, nothing’s nothing between buds, right?

Annick: Hn.

Dalix: Hey, come on. If anything’s bothering you, I’ll fix it!

Annick (having an idea): Will you, now…?

Dalix: Of course.

Annick: I’m concerned with Miss Leandre.

Dalix: You are?

Annick: I doubt her loyalties. (He looks deadly serious) I suspect she may have once tried to ally herself with Omen. For all I know, maybe she already has.

Dalix (freezing): Wh-where’d you hear that?

Annick: Oh, it’s just a suspicion of mine. After all, that guru of hers was very close to Omen, was he not…?

Dalix (nodding): Well, you don’t need to worry. I’ll take care of the problem.

Annick (smiling): I’m so glad I can count on you.

Dalix: Of course! Like I said, we’re buddies! (He slaps Annick on the back, laughing) I’ll solve this the only way a mobster like me knows how: very thoroughly!

Annick: Thank you.

(Scene change! It’s later in the day. Angela arrives at Dalix’s place to report on some mob stuff she did. She smiles at Annick as she enters.)

Angela: Oh, good evening, Annick.

Annick: Hm. Dalix wants to see you.

Angela: Alright then. His office?

Annick: Back office.

Angela (bemused): … back office?

Annick: Downstairs. Down the hall. You’ll find it.

(Confused, she walks to the staircase and downstairs. She finds Dalix reclining in his chair in the back office, which is a much more simply decorated room than his main one.)

Dalix: Close the door, will you?

Angela: I’d rather leave it open, thank you.

Dalix: Hmmhmm, let’s not play that game. (He presses a button under the desk. The door swings shut and there’s a click as it locks.)

Angela (unnerved): What’s this about?

Dalix: You’ve lost your mark’s trust, my dear.

Angela: What?

Dalix: Reza. He doesn’t trust you. He suspects that you’re in league with Omen.

Angela: Why would he think that?

Dalix: I don’t know, maybe because it’s very nearly true? (He sighs) Somehow he knows you made a pass at Omen. I don’t know if Dwayne narked or what. He doesn’t seem to know the details, but he knows enough.

Angela: So what’re you talking to me for? Convince him it’s not true.

Dalix: I’m afraid I can’t do that.

Angela: Bullshit. What sort of mobster are you if you can’t tell a lie?

Dalix: Not quite that simple, dear.

Angela: You can’t just cut me loose! I’ll—I’ll tell him everything. I can put distance between us, after all. I can send a letter. And when he finds out you helped me, he’ll—

Dalix: Oh? Oh?? Is that how it’ll go?

Angela: … What?

Dalix: Well, now that you’re breaking out the threats, I guess I don’t feel quite so bad. (His eyes flash as he starts using his fear-power.)

Angela (shaking): Don’t be childish. You’re just making me a little scared, it’s just a trick.

Dalix: Yes, it is. But you see, I’m a spiteful son of a bitch. (He pulls a gun from his desk drawer) When I kill someone, I like them to die scared.

(Angela leans against the door, grabbing the handle and desperately trying to force it open.)

Angela: N-Now Dalix, think about this for a second. We’re friends, aren’t we?

Dalix (getting up and walking over to her, pointing the gun at her all the while): I don’t have friends, dear. I have little pieces in my chess set, that’s it. Reza, he’s like the queen, see… best piece of all. You, though. You’re just an expendable little pawn.

Angela: Please! I won’t tell him anything. I won’t!

Dalix: Now, do you think I’m dumb? As soon as you’re safe, you’ll start thinking revenge and send that letter after all.

Angela: I’ll scream! I’ll scream the truth, and he’ll hear it, and—

Dalix: Back office. Basement. Sound proof.

Angela (her eyes go wide): … I—I… I’ll sleep with you.

(Dalix laughs)

Dalix: Is that what it comes down to?

Angela: As many times as you want. I’ll do anything.

Dalix: You really think that’ll sway me? I can have any woman I want and you think I’ll risk my whole operation just to have you?

Angela (voice cracking): Please, Dalix, please. I don’t want to die.

Dalix: Well, look at it this way. (He puts the barrel against her forehead) You get to go be with that guru of yours now.

(She sobs. She falls to the ground, hugging her knees, and cries.)

Angela: But I… I can’t, I… he hates me…

Dalix: Oh, what a surprise.

Angela (bawling): He thought I… I had an ugly mind, said I was terrible…

Dalix: Maybe he wasn’t such a quack after all.

Angela: That’s what this was… taking over the cult, it was… I was going to run it into the ground, ruin his memory… (She puts her head in her hand) It was my revenge… How am I supposed to face him now?

Dalix: I don’t know. But you’ve got about two seconds to figure it out.

(Angela sobs. Dalix pulls the trigger.)

(Minutes later, Dalix is walking up the stairs. As he gets into the main room, he motions at Anchors.)

Dalix: Anchors. Got a mess down there for you to clean up.

Anchors: Got it, boss.

(Dalix walks over to Annick and puts a hand on his shoulder.)

Dalix: Deed’s done. No worries, buddy.

Annick (smiling): Thank you, Dalix. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

(Dalix grins, feeling pretty proud of himself. He thinks he’s just cemented Annick’s loyalty. Little does he know that Annick’s already plotting behind his back…)

—End: Episode one hundred ninety-seven

196. Farewell, my love.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:14:41 -0400

(We find ourselves downtown, in front of the city’s biggest bank. Unsurprisingly, it’s in the process of being robbed!)

Baron von Boom (pulling on the vault door): Urrghhh… what the hell is this?!

Omen: Looks like they reinforced it again.

Baron von Boom: Obviously. What I mean is, (he pulls again) Why the hell can’t I pull it off?

Lady Ira: We can look for the switch, if you want.

Baron von Boom: No! There is no door that cannot be destroyed by Baron von Boom!

(He steps back, stretches a bit, cracks his knuckles, then makes another go at it.)

Lady Ira: It’s not so surprising they’ve figured out how to make super-proof doors, I mean, there’s stronger villains than you around.

Baron von Boom (straining): There… are… not…!

Lady Ira (mildly amused): Oh—oh yeah, sorry baby, you’re the strongest around.

Baron von Boom: Damn… straight!!

(The Baron pulls for a bit longer. Omen looks over the door, trying to figure out how the latch works. His eyes glow and he snaps a finger—the door falls off its hinges, the Baron falling along with it.)

Baron von Boom (getting up): See that? The Baron will not be defeated by mere engineering!

Omen: Of course. Now let’s go, we’ve wasted enough time.

(They load up on loot and run out of the bank. Once they get outside, they run into not Apogee, but the great and sparkly Adamo! Our villains groan.)

Baron von Boom: What do you want, sparklyman?

Adamo: I came to bid you farewell.

Lady Ira: Farewell?

Adamo: That’s right. Lamentable as it is, it’s time for me to move on from this place.

Baron von Boom: About time.

Adamo (trying to ignore the Baron): After all, I’m like the wind. I can’t stay in one place for long.

Lady Ira: Cliché.

Adamo: Trying to do so would be like caging a wild bird, longing to be free…

Lady Ira: Oh good, now it’s a mixed metaphor.

Adamo (dropping the suave voice): Do you mind?

Lady Ira: Sorry, you’re just not that good with poetic stuff!

Adamo: I’ll keep that in mind.

Omen: But you’re really leaving? For good?

Adamo (back to using the voice): Oh, who knows if fate will bring me here again… but if I return, it will be for my own ends, not to see any of you.

Baron von Boom: Then what’re you hanging around here for? Go and leave, already!

Adamo: I just wanted to say my final goodbyes to Miss Ira, here. (He walks up, takes her hand and kisses it.)

(She punches him)

Lady Ira: Er, sorry. Reflex. You know not to do that!

Adamo: Hahaha… it’s alright. I expected as much. (He steps back and bows) Farewell, my love. We may never meet again.

Baron von Boom: Pfft. I wish.

Adamo: And you. (Drops the voice) Die in a fire.

(And with that he turns, his cape billowing behind him, and walks away. Apogee shows up and starts fighting with our villains as Adamo walks into an alley, looking for a place to change into a new disguise. He’s surprised to run into Annick.)

Annick: Dwayne.

Adamo: Z-Zitomira! What’re you doing here?

Annick: I need your help.

Adamo: What?

Annick: If you’re leaving, you don’t have to keep Dalix’s secrets for him anymore.

Adamo: Meaning…?

Annick: You need to tell me what his plans are. Him and Angela both.

Adamo: Er…

Annick: Please. (He pulls at his hair, frustrated) Dwayne, I… I know they’re using me, I’m sure of it. I need to know what they want. I need to get out of it.

Adamo: Well, I couldn’t tell you details if he’s figured them out…

Annick: But the big picture?

Adamo (leaning against a wall and crossing his arms): As for Angela… she’s just looking for a way to take over that dead guru’s cult. Simple as that. It doesn’t have to involve you, it’s just that Omen wouldn’t join her willingly so she wants to kill him.

Annick: She tried to ally herself with Omen?

Adamo (nodding): Once you kill him she’s going to swoop in and try to claim some of the credit. And Dalix, well…

Annick: Yes?

Adamo: At first it was just that he wanted to keep you happy so that you won’t turn on him. Apparently you backstabbed him before you lost your memory or something, I don’t know. He was trying to ensure some security with you was all. But now…

Annick: I heard him offering you seats on that new world order I don’t want to create.

Adamo (nodding): I guess he’s getting ahead of himself. He thinks that as long as you’re around, he can just bluff his way to the top… maybe he even wants to be your man behind the man. I don’t know.

Annick: I see.

Adamo: And that doesn’t even mean he’ll stay loyal to your goals. I mean, he tried to help Angela get Omen on her side, even knowing that he was potentially helping your enemy. He doesn’t give two shits about your best interests.

Annick (looking increasingly angry): That’s… troubling.

Adamo: Now look, I gotta—

Annick: Thank you so much, Dwayne. You’re really the only person I can trust.

Adamo: What? I don’t—

Annick: I know you don’t want anything to do with me, but you’re the only person who hasn’t just thought of me as a means to an end.

Adamo: Uh… no problem.

Annick: Just one more thing. Do you know anything about Omen? Anything I can use, anything would be helpful.

Adamo: Er… (He doesn’t really want to give Annick Omen’s identity, even though he certainly knows it)

Annick (catching the look on Adamo’s face): You do know something! (He looks relieved) Please, Dwayne.

(Adamo freezes. He tries to think of something he can tell Annick to appease him without betraying Ira. He thinks back to a few days ago…)

(He was in the occult goods store Xeno works in. He wandered in randomly, and he didn’t know Xeno worked there, nor was Xeno even there that day. Instead, Arco was working at the register. One of her otaku friends is there too, chatting to her about Omen.)

Friend: I’m so jealous you’ve met Omen, though. He even visited you at your house!

Arco: Yeah… only to reject me, though.

Friend: Still, that’s a pretty big deal. I mean, why would he show up at all? You know what I’ve been thinking?

Arco: What?

Friend: Maybe you already know Omen. His secret identity, though. Maybe he wanted to let you down properly because he already cares about you.

Arco: What? No. Do you think?

Friend: Totally! Do you know anyone that looks like Omen?

Arco: Well I… nah, that’s silly. (She laughs)

(Flash back to the present. Adamo coughs. He figures maybe he can let this one piece of information slip. After all, he trusts Ira and her friends to be able to take out the currently-weakened Reza, and even if they don’t get involved, Apogee could probably intervene.)

Adamo: There’s this girl.

Annick: Yes?

Adamo: She works at that occult goods store on Eighth. Goth girl, brown hair. Apparently she’s got some connection with Omen. That’s all I know.

Annick: Thank you so much. (he hugs Adamo) Take care of yourself.

(Annick teleports away. Adamo sighs, running a hand through his hair)

Adamo: Dammit Dwayne… what’ve you done now…

—End: Episode one hundred ninety-six

195. Maybe I should.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:13:49 -0400

(We find Pavel, Aldon and Joseph having lunch together at a restaurant near the campus.)

Aldon: So Pavel, how’s the book coming along?

Marika: It’s coming.

Joseph: Book? Whatcha writing now?

Marika: Nothing.

Aldon: He’s writing a memoir.

Joseph: Ooooh. Memoir for Professor Englishpants or Professor Pain?

Marika: Englishpants? The hell’s that supposed to mean?

Aldon: Professor Pain.

Joseph: Really? Am I in it? =D

Marika: No.

Aldon: Of course!

Marika: Only briefly.

Joseph: Can I read it?

Marika: No.

Aldon: I’ll let you see the draft he showed me.

Marika: I said no!

Aldon: He’ll read it anyway once you publish it.

Joseph: Hey wait, aren’t you still doing the whole secret identity thing?

Marika: I’m not releasing it under my real name.

Joseph: But your writing style’s pretty distinct, I mean.

Marika: You read?

Joseph: Not much else to do in prison.

Marika: Ah.

Joseph: ‘Course, I read your books after I got out. After we met, see!

Marika: You’re a creeper. You know that, right?

Joseph: Nuh uh!

Marika: Anyway, the official story is that I’m ghostwriting it under Professor Pain’s direction.

Aldon: All the requests from reporters for comment are getting crazy!

Marika: Oh yeah, everyone wants to know how I met the good Professor.

Joseph: Any death threats from old enemies?

Marika: Yeah. Trying to get the Professor’s identity from me.

Aldon: He just tells them he doesn’t know it.

Joseph: Oh, of course. What’ll you do if they jump you?

Marika: Heh.

Joseph: Not worried?

Marika: Not really.

Joseph: I wish I was as tough as you!

Marika: Don’t feel bad, nobody is.

Aldon: You might want to quit stroking his ego soon.

Joseph: But when I do, he stops insulting me.

Aldon: He gets incorrigible though.

Joseph: So when’s the book coming out, anyway?

Marika: Next Fall.

Joseph: Aw man, that long?

Marika: I have to pretend that I keep getting delayed by the Professor not always having time to see me.

Joseph: Man, I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about keeping up a secret identity anymore. That’s such a drag.

Marika: It helps that all your enemies are… you know. Me.

Joseph: Yeah, you’re the best enemy ever! =D When you’re not punching me, anyway. I’ll go punch your enemies for you if you want.

Marika: No thanks.

Joseph: I bet Aldon could build me some sort of punchin’ machine.

Aldon: Ooh, can I?

Marika: Really not necessary.

Joseph: Think about it, if we got rid of all your enemies you could reveal your identity and it’d be awesome and then you could go on talk shows and stuff.

Aldon: Talk shows?

Joseph: Wouldn’t it be cool? I could go with him! (He starts nudging Pavel) We could go on Conan!

Marika: We could do that now. I could put the mask on.

Joseph: Let’s do it then! Go have your guys call their guys!

Marika: Not till the book’s out.

Joseph: But we will do it?

Marika: We’ll see.

(Joseph squees)

Aldon: Hey, what about me?

Marika: I don’t know, what about you?

Aldon: All Joe did was rob some places—no offense, Joe—

Joseph: None taken.

Aldon: But I build all the jetpacks for all the superheroes in the US, I designed the heavy-duty handcuffs for people with super-strength, and a bunch of other stuff. I should get to go on TV!

Marika: Write your own book.

Aldon: Maybe I should.

Marika: So do it, then.

Joseph: Can I be in it?

Aldon: Uh, sure.

Marika: There, everybody wins.

Aldon: But uh… then what if supervillains come after me?

Joseph: Gimme some lasers, I’ll protect you.

Aldon: Really?

Marika: Joe, why do I get the feeling that you’re just itching to get violent and you’re just looking for legal means to do so?

Joseph: I already do, I go to that laser tag place like twice a week now. I’ve even been dragging my son there.

Marika: …

Joseph: … okay, yeah! I wanna shoot some guys! But now I’m suggesting shooting bad guys, so that’s not so bad, right? Hey Aldon, maybe you could gear me up and I could be a superhero.

Aldon: I don’t think…

Marika: Don’t be ridiculous.

Joseph: Aw, come on!

Marika: Can’t you just play video games or something?

Joseph: It’s not the saaaaame.

Marika: So you’re just going to gear up and bash some faces in?

Joseph: Not what I said at all, Professor. =(

Marika: Stick to your laser tag. Crimefighting’s a young man’s game these days anyway.

Joseph: =(

—End: Episode one hundred ninety-five

194. That's it for me.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:12:55 -0400

(The scene is Dalix’s hideout. Adamo’s lying face-down on the couch. Dalix walks up, hands in his pockets, and kicks the couch.)

Dalix: Rise and shine, darling, we’ve got work to do.

Adamo (muffled through the couch cushions): Go without me.

Dalix: You know we need your powers. What’re we gonna do if the cops show up?

Adamo: Don’t care.

Dalix: What’s your problem?

Adamo: Mmnn.

Dalix: Oh, let me guess. Something to do with Ira?

Adamo: Go away.

Dalix: God, you’re such a teenager. What happened now?

(Adamo groans. He ran into Selan earlier that day, noticed her ring, and had the bad judgement to ask her about it.)

Adamo: Ira’s getting married.

Dalix: Pfft, really?

Adamo: Nnn.

Dalix: To the Baron?

Adamo: Who else?

Dalix: How’d you find out?

Adamo: Mmff.

Dalix: Do you know when it’s going down?

Adamo: Don’t wanna know.

Dalix: Guess that’s it for you, then. Not that you had a chance to begin with.

(Sighing, Adamo rolls onto his back and covers his eyes with his arm.)

Adamo: That’s it for me… (He switches to his corny voice) My true love, betrothed to a brute… perhaps there’s truly nothing left for me here.

Dalix: Wha—hey! Let’s not take it that far.

Adamo: I’ve lingered long enough. It’s time I moved on.

Dalix: Have you forgotten that you work for me?

Adamo: I don’t recall signing a contract.

Dalix: Cut it with that voice, I can’t take you seriously.

Adamo (sitting up and reverting to his normal voice): Consider this my two week’s notice.

Dalix: You can’t leave!

Adamo: You’ve known that I’d leave someday. What’s the big deal?

Dalix: Not so soon! You were supposed to stay until I got more guys!

Adamo: I never promised that. (He gets up) I guess I’ll help you with your operation. Maybe it’ll get my mind off of things.

Dalix (grabbing Adamo by the arm): Dammit, Dwayne—

Adamo (pulling away, angry): My name isn’t Dwayne! I haven’t been “Dwayne” in years! I’m Adamo. Dwayne’s just… just a flaky little asshole, working in a failing bookstore with his shitty best friend who stole his girlfriend. He’s nobody.

Dalix: So that’s what you do, then? Girl rejects you and you change your name and run off?

Adamo: You got a problem with it?

Dalix: Yes I do! It’s a shitty way to live your life!

Adamo: It’s still a hell of a lot better than how I was living before.

Dalix: Look, just calm down. There’s more to life than ladies.

Adamo: If this is just going to lead into you hitting on me again—

Dalix: I’m trying to tell you that you have prospects here! Dammit, man, we’ve got Reza on our side. Let me say that one more time—WE HAVE REZA.

Adamo: I don’t care.

Dalix: He’s going to rule the world someday and you know it. Don’t you want a seat of power in his new world order?

Adamo: Like you’re in a position to go offering me one.

Dalix: Damn straight I am. Would you rather run off and risk getting caught up in the crossfire?

Adamo: I think I’ll manage.

Dalix: Fff—fine. Fine, you little… ugh. Anchors is waiting for you.

(Adamo storms off. Dalix groans, stands there for a moment before remembering that he’s got to go on the heist, too. He storms off as well.)

—End: Episode one hundred ninety-four

193. Couldn't hurt.

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:12:10 -0400

(The scene is a deserted field somewhere outside town. Annick is practicing his powers, trying to perfect various techniques, while Stesha sits around playing on his phone.)

Stesha: I oughtta start a blog. Get real popular.

Annick (teleporting over): Why?

Stesha: I don’t know. Because it’s so damn boring at Dalix’s place? At least if I have fanmail to answer it’d be something to do.

Annick: I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

Stesha: It’ll be fine. Keep training.

Annick (sitting down): In a moment. Can we talk?

Stesha: I guess.

Annick: Thank you. Look… you know how I wanted to lash out at normal people?

Stesha: Yeah. That’s sort of what we do.

Annick Do you have any idea why?

Stesha (shrugging): I dunno, you’ve been like that since I was little.

Annick: Did I ever tell you anything?

Stesha: No, but… (he thinks) I remember mom said something.

Annick: She did?

Stesha: She told me that one day when you were overseas for something, something really bad happened. She never said what, or what you did after, but she said that you realized the full extent of your powers that day and after that you started hating humans.

Annick (trying hard to remember, but failing): That’s all?

Stesha: No. See, after that I went and looked up the town she said it happened in.

Annick: And?

Stesha: It’s not there anymore.

Annick: Did I destroy it?

Stesha: Guess so. The dates seem to match up. One day there was a city, the next day it was gone, along with a good chunk of the countryside. I tried asking you but you didn’t want to talk about it.

Annick: Huh.

Stesha: Wish you could realize the extent of your powers now. I hate all this hiding. We should just level this city and be done with it.

Annick: I’m trying… I’ve lost so much though. I barely know who I am anymore, what I want… let alone how to destroy cities.

Stesha: You’ll figure it out, dad.

Annick: Do you know anybody that might know anything else?

Stesha (shaking his head): You didn’t have a lot of friends… you worked with Dalix sometimes, that was it.

Annick: How long did I work with him?

Stesha: Years. I don’t know.

Annick: I feel like he’s not telling me everything.

Stesha: Probably isn’t.

Annick: I feel like nobody’s telling me anything, really. Like I’ve just become some sort of pawn… everyone seems to have an agenda and I’m just stuck in it.

Stesha: So fuck them! Let’s just get out of here!

Annick: Pretty much every other superhuman out there can kill me. And most of them would.

Stesha: We can hide. We can dye our hair, maybe put some makeup on that scar of yours…

Annick: Besides, if there’s even a chance that Dalix has answers, I need to get them out of him.

Stesha: Hmph… maybe. But you seriously need to keep training. Once you’re strong enough, you can just beat the answers out of him.

Annick: Do you think?

Stesha: Couldn’t hurt.

(Annick nods and stands up. He takes a few steps away, about to resume his training, when he stops.)

Annick: Do you think I’m like Omen?

Stesha: What?

Annick: When he defeated me, he destroyed downtown. Because I hurt him and he lost control, I guess. Maybe I’m the same way. Maybe when I’m in a bad way, I lose control and destroy cities too.

Stesha: Then why didn’t you blow up when Omen had you on the ropes?

Annick: Hm. Good point.

Stesha: Stop overthinking things.

Annick: Yeah. Sorry.

(Annick walks off and begins practicing his big-energy-hand trick.)

—End: Episode one hundred eighty-three

192. Did you steal it?

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:11:14 -0400

(It’s Christmas day! Selan, Selanio and Xeno are chilling on the couch after finishing opening their presents. There’s wrapping paper everywhere. Selan leans back.)

Selan: Well, looks like that’s everything. Xeno, what’re we doing for dinner?

Selanio: Hold on, I’ve got one last thing.

Selan: Oh?

(Selanio reaches into his pocket and produces a small black ring box. Selan looks at it quizzically. Instead of just giving it to her, Selanio gets up, then gets on one knee.)

Selan: Oh—oh jeez.

Xeno: Oh, don’t even…

(Selanio opens the ring box. Unsurprisingly, there’s a ring inside. It’s very sparkly.)

Selanio: For you.

Selan: Ah. Okay.

Selanio: Also, you should marry me.

Selan: Um. Isn’t it a bit soon for that?

Selanio: I didn’t say right now.

Xeno: No, I’m with Selan on this. You’ve only been dating a few months.

Selanio: But we’ve known each other for years!

Selan: I guess that’s true…

Selanio: We’ve been practically joined at the hip since we first met. If you count all that as a sort of unofficial dating period, then it’s not too soon at all!

Xeno: Your logic is stupid.

Selanio: Would you stay out of it?

Selan: But I dunno, getting married while we’re still in school?

Selanio: Why not?

Selan: I dunno. Seems weird.

Selanio: It’s not like much would change. We already live together. We don’t have to kick Xeno out or anything. It’s not like we have to start making babies right away.

Selan: Also true, I guess.

Selanio: We can get married, enjoy a couple years of wedded bliss while we finish college, then once we’re both graduated we can get to work on those ten babies we’re gonna have.

Selan: Two babies.

Selanio: Ten.

Selan: My uterus, my call. Two.

Selanio: We’re getting off topic.

Selan: What’s wrong with that?

Selanio: My legs hurt kneeling like this.

Selan: I like you kneeling like that. It’s like, “Kneel before Zod!”

Selanio: Whatever. So you want to marry me, right?

Selan: I don’t know.

(Selanio groans, then gets up and sits down on the couch. He takes Selan’s hands.)

Selanio: Look, you love me, right?

Selan: Yes.

Selanio: And you wanna marry me, right?

Selan: Eventually.

Selanio: Why not now? You can have a shiny ring and we can go on a honeymoon and everything.

Selan: I dunno…

Xeno (scoffing): Promise her a geeky wedding and I bet she’d accept.

Selanio: Geeky like how?

Xeno: Like… Like with you dressed as Luigi and her as Daisy. Or something. One of those theme weddings.

Selan (her eyes lighting up): Can we!?

Selanio: What? No!

Selan: Why not?

Selanio: Because—because that’s stupid! We need a proper wedding! With white dresses and tuxedos and—

Selan: I bet Luigi’s overalls would be so much more comfy than a tuxedo.

Selanio: I don’t care! Selan, we only get to do this once and I want it done right.

Selan: Okay, okay, sheesh. (she takes her hands back and leans back, exhaling.) So when were you thinking?

Selanio: Right after the Spring semester ends. We could get married, then use the summer break to take a long honeymoon and go somewhere.

Selan: Hmm. I guess that sounds pretty good.

Selanio: So you’ll marry me?

Selan: Sure.

Xeno: What? Just like that?

Selan (shrugging): Well, I mean, I do wanna marry him. Maybe there’s really no point in waiting.

Xeno: You’re sure?

Selan: Hmmm. (She looks at Selanio. He smiles nervously. She smiles back, then looks at Xeno looking pretty content.) Yeah. I’m sure.

Xeno: … Okay. Well then. I’m glad for you.

Selanio: Okay! Can we do this right?

Selan: What?

Selanio: Like this. (He kneels down and holds out the ring again.) Selan, will you marry me?

Selan (hamming it up): Yes! I will!

(Selanio takes the ring from the box and puts it on Selan’s finger. She inspects it as he sits back down on the couch.)

Selan: It’s a really nice ring. Did you steal it?

Selanio: Nah.

Selan: What? You actually BOUGHT a ring?

Selanio: I couldn’t have stolen it in a heist, you’d have noticed! I bought it with stolen money though.

Selan: Ah. That’s okay then. (She stands up) I’m gonna go get the cookies, you want some?

Selanio: Sure.

(Selan walks to the kitchen)

Xeno: I kind of wish you’d asked my approval first.

Selanio: You do remember that you’re not actually related to her, right?

Xeno: Yeah, yeah…

Selanio: Anyway, I asked her dad’s approval.

Xeno: Seriously?

Selanio: Selanio is traditional. You’re not mad at me, are you?

Xeno (sighing): No. Just… you know, same as always. Treat her right.

Selanio: Like I’d ever dream of doing otherwise.

(Selan walks back with a big bag of cookies. She sits down next to Selanio, cuddles up next to him, and starts nomming on the cookies.)

Selan: Can we have nerdy cake toppers, at least?

Selanio (rolling his eyes): I guess.

Selan: Yay! (She kisses him)

Selanio: Just don’t go naming our babies “Sephiroth” or anything.

Selan: ‘Course not. (She eats another cookie) Kefka’s way cooler anyway.

—End: Episode one hundred ninety-two

191. Winging it

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:10:21 -0400

(The scene is a spa. Dalix and Angela are sitting about, having a skin treatment with cucumbers on their eyes and everything. They’re chitchatting about their various plans.)

Dalix: So how’s your whatever-it-is with Annie going?

Angela: I don’t know. He’s been nice to me, but I don’t think I’m really gaining his trust.

Dalix: Not surprised. Giving up yet?

Angela: No.

Dalix: Man, can’t you come up with some other plan? I mean, this thing with Annie seems like such a clumsy solution.

Angela: I can’t think of anything else. The cult’s growing more splintered by the day, and I can’t say I’m popular enough to unify it on my own.

Dalix: I thought you said you had influence.

Angela: Who said I didn’t?

Dalix: I bet they all hate you, save for a couple guys with crushes on you.

Angela: It’s nothing of the sort.

Dalix: I’m sure it’s not, darling.

Angela (frowning and deciding to derail this part of the conversation): The best thing I can do is kill Omen. Obviously I can’t do that, so I have to have someone else do it for me. (She sighs) And then I have to hope I can grab some credit for it. Maybe I can marry Reza. That’d put me in a good position.

Dalix: Pfffft. You’re a barrel of laughs, you are.

(Angela’s about to retort when her phone rings. She answers it, has a short conversation, then hangs up. She looks annoyed. Dalix briefly lifts a cucumber slice to look at her.)

Dalix: Something wrong, love?

Angela: Thanks to that interview with Omen that got aired, everyone’s starting to think that maybe we shouldn’t kill him. Now even the more violent factions are starting to give up.

Dalix: Oooh, sucks to be you.

Angela: I’ve got to speed things up before everyone’s turned into peaceful idiots.

(She thinks for a moment, then reaches for her phone. She talks for a few minutes and hangs up.)

Dalix: And that was?

Angela: Calling in a favor, is all. (She smiles) I’ll have Reza’s trust in no time.

(Scene change! We’re back at Dalix’s lair, and Annick’s on the couch reading a book. Just then, the door opens and Angela walks in. Stesha is following behind her! Annick sees this and stands up, shocked. Stesha runs over, and the two have a touching father-son hug.)

Annick: Stesha! What happened? How’d you get out?

Stesha: One of the guards just opened my cell and snuck me out!

Annick (looking up at Angela): Did you have a hand in this?

Angela (nodding): I have a friend in the prison. I asked him to help your son out.

Annick: Thank you so much. But… why?

Angela: It pained me to think of a father and son being kept apart like that, especially at Christmastime. I had to do something.

Annick: Is that all?

Angela: Of course.

Annick: …

Stesha: So dad, did you get your memory back finally?

Annick: Hm? No. I’ve just kind of been winging it.

Angela: I’ll just leave you two alone. I wouldn’t want to intrude on your reunion.

(She leaves. Annick watches her go, not sure what to make of this sudden act of kindness.)

Stesha: … so is she a friend of yours?

Annick: Ah, sort of.

Stesha: Mmm. She’s hot and all, but you know my stance on you replacing mom.

Annick: I know.

Stesha: How far have you gotten?

Annick: Nowhere. You’re misinterpreting this.

Stesha: Ah. Should’ve known.

(The door opens and Adamo walks in. He notices Stesha and looks mildly interested.)

Adamo: Hm? You escaped again?

Stesha: You! You’re still around?

Annick: You two know each other?

Stesha: We broke out of prison together.

Adamo (talking as Dalix is entering from behind): Yeah. Me, him and Dalix.

Dalix: Yeah look, a reunion, isn’t that wonderful.

Stesha: Man dad, what’re you doing hanging out with these losers?

Dalix: Don’t talk about me like that, I helped him all the time back in the day.

Stesha: Doesn’t make you any less of a loser. And what’s this idiot doing here anyway?

Adamo: Hey.

Annick: Be nice. They’ve helped me a lot.

Stesha: Well, I’m out of prison now so you don’t need to hang out with them. Let’s go.

Annick: Go where? We’re both fugitives.

Stesha: I don’t know, somewhere. Let’s go find our fake IDs.

Annick: We’re going to stay here a while longer.

Stesha: What?

Dalix: Look, kid, you wouldn’t know, what with your amazing “getting-caught-by-the-police” skills and all, but sometimes you gotta stay where it’s safe. It’s pretty safe here. You and your dad are welcome as long as you need to be here.

Stesha: Dad’s the strongest person in the world! He doesn’t need your help!

Annick: No, Stesha… I really do.

Stesha: Dad?

Annick: I’m… I’m not that strong anymore. Not yet. And not only are the police after us, but some of the heroes are under the impression that I’m better off dead… we really need to stay under the radar.

Stesha: … fine. Fine. (He glares at Dalix) But if I catch wind of any plots against dad, we’re out of here!

Dalix: Yeah, yeah, I get the picture. C’mon Dwayne, let’s get back to work.

Adamo: Stop calling me that.

(The two walk into Dalix’s office, bickering the whole way.)

Stesha: Pfft, that guy’s name is Dwayne?

Annick: Yes. (He sits down) Get comfortable. We’ve got a lot to talk about.

(Stesha nods and sits down on the couch next to Annick. The two of them start filling each other in on various matters.)

—End: Episode one hundred ninety-one

190. How sad is that?

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 15:08:00 -0400

(The scene is the house of Willard and Noa Harlan—Clovis’s parents. Willard is making the usual Christmas preparations and Noa is cooking while Reid, Clovis’s younger brother, sits on the couch playing video games. There’s a knock on the door.)

Reid: It’s open!

(The door opens and Marisa takes a step in.)

Marisa: Hellooo, family! I brought a guest!

Noa (from the kitchen): Is it a new boyfriend?

Marisa: I wish! (She looks back outside) Come on, then. Put that out!

(She reaches over and pulls Clovis inside as he tosses aside a cigarette.)

Clovis: Uh… hi.

Reid (looking up from his game): Clovis!!

(Reid runs over while their parents come in from the other rooms)

Willard: Clovis?!

(The parents rush over, and Noa hugs Clovis)

Noa: It’s been so long!

Clovis: Uh… yeah.

Willard: What brings you here?

Clovis: Well, it’s almost Christmas, so…

Willard: You staying the whole week or is this just for today?

Clovis: No, I’m staying the week.

Willard (slapping Clovis on the back): Good! I’ll go set up another mattress.

(Willard leaves to do that.)

Reid: I like your haircut.

Clovis: Thanks.

Marisa: You kidding? He looks like an emo loser.

Reid: No, it’s cool!

Noa: Have you been taking care of yourself?

Clovis: Yeah…

Reid: What do you do? Are you in black ops?

Clovis: No.

Marisa: No, he’s got a big important government job!

Noa: That’s wonderful! (She gasps) Oh! I forgot about dinner! (She runs back to the kitchen) Marisa, honey, could you help me set the table?

Marisa: Yeah, I guess. (She goes to the kitchen too)

Reid: So what sort of government stuff do you do?

Clovis: Oh, ah… you know. Stuff.

Reid: Is it like, cool top-secret stuff?

Clovis: Sort of.

Reid: That’s so cool!

Clovis: Right, ah… damn, you’ve grown since I last saw you. You in college now?

Reid (nodding): I wanted to join the military like you, but mom wouldn’t let me.

Clovis: Probably for the best.

Noa (from the other room): Okay boys, dinner’s ready!

(Everyone goes to the dining room and sits down. Reid, of course, sits next to Clovis. They start eating. There’s some small talk, until Marisa suddenly blurts out,)

Marisa: So, Clovis is a superhero.

Clovis: Dammit, Marisa!

Reid: You’re a superhero?!

Clovis: No.

Marisa: He can fly and stuff!

Noa: Since when could you fly?

Clovis: Uh.

Willard: How’s superheroing pay?

Reid: What’s your superhero name?

Clovis: I’m not a superhero!

Marisa: You have superpowers and fight villains. That’s a superhero.

Clovis: Do I have a heroing license? No. Not a hero.

Marisa: Semantics.

Willard: So you’re not a superhero?

Clovis: That’s what I said.

Reid: So what do you do?

Clovis (groaning): I work for the Superheroes Agency.

Noa: So you ARE a superhero.

Clovis: No! … I’m an enforcer.

Willard: So what’s that entail?

Clovis: Well, mostly I fill out paperwork and run errands that I’m not at liberty to talk about…

Marisa: But sometimes he fights villains.

Clovis: … yes. Sometimes. When it’s absolutely necessary.

Reid: What kind of villains have you fought?

Marisa: I saw him fight some scientist guy.

Clovis: Pffft. That guy was pathetic. You saw how quickly I took him down.

Marisa: Well, yeah.

Reid: So who else?

Clovis: Reza, a couple of times.

Reid: Seriously?!

Clovis: Yeah…

Noa: You didn’t get hurt, did you?

Clovis: Not very.

Reid: So cool!

Marisa: And he’s friends with heroes. (She crosses her arms) Who he totally won’t introduce me to.

Clovis: That’s enough of that.

Reid: Which heroes?

Marisa: Definitely Ohm, and I’m pretty sure he knows Ohm’s brother too.

Clovis: They’re not brothers.

Marisa: Are there any others?

Clovis: How about we stop talking about this?

Willard: Well it’s awful exciting, knowing you’ve met such famous people.

Clovis: It’s not that exciting, really.

Reid: It totally is! How’d you get superpowers anyway? Is it genetic? Could I get some?

Clovis: No. No.

Willard: You haven’t always had them, have you?

Clovis: No.

Reid: Did you get bit by a radioactive spider? Or exposed to gamma-rays or—

Clovis: You know what, (He stands up) I’m going outside for a smoke.

Reid: Whaaaat?

Clovis: Be right back.

(He walks outside. The house is in a more rural area, far from many other houses, so he wanders off a bit to be alone. He sits down on a tree stump and pulls out his phone. He dials a number.)

Smith (on the phone): … yes?

Clovis: They want to know where I got my powers. What do I do?

Smith: Excuse me?

Clovis:I can’t just tell them.

Smith: I do not see why not.

Clovis: It’s complicated.

Smith: Then why are you asking me?

Clovis: I don’t know. (He slouches forward, sighing) I don’t know who else to ask?

Smith: You must understand that I see things in very simple terms. I see your options as “tell them” or “do not”, and I feel that telling them would be most beneficial. Is there more to it than that?

Clovis: Well, it’s not that I’m saying there are more options, just…

Smith: Your family will want to know. It may impede your attempts to reconnect with them if you refuse to tell them. Whatever the consequences may be, they do not outweigh the benefits.

Clovis: … dammit, your logic…

Smith: Am I wrong?

Clovis: Not technically, no.

Smith: Then we do not have anything left to talk about.

Clovis: No, it’s just—(he stops, realizing the futility of this conversation)—Yeah. I guess. Thanks.

(He hangs up, sighs and puts his head in his hands. Marisa walks up.)

Marisa: … Clovis?

Clovis: Heh. I just called my boss for advice about this. My hopeless boss. How sad is that?

Marisa: I don’t know, I’ve never met your boss.

Clovis: It’s pretty damn sad, let me tell you.

Marisa: Well, stop being pathetic, then. Go talk to mom and dad.

Clovis: They’re going to want to know what happened. I can’t keep dodging the question.

Marisa: Well, maybe you should just give them an answer.

Clovis: I don’t want them to know that I’m a monster.

Marisa: Don’t be such a melodramatic emo.

(Clovis glares at her)

Marisa: Look, I don’t care what you did. And I know mom and dad don’t either, and Reid will probably just think it makes you more of a badass than before. So get over it, tell them, and let’s get on with this thing already.

(Clovis sighs.)

Clovis: Guess I can’t avoid it forever…

(He stands up, and they walk back to the house)

—End: Episode one hundred ninety

189. I don't know.

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 15:07:39 -0400

(The scene is a street in the city. Dwayne and Annick are walking down the street. Annick’s dressed up in clothes very unlike what he usually wears—a beanie cap, sunglasses, baggy clothes—in an attempt to not look like his fugitive self. Dwayne looks nervous, and he keeps glancing from side to side, just waiting to get ambushed by police or Apogee or the Baron.)

Annick: Thank you for accompanying me today, Dwayne.

Dwayne: Hn.

Annick: I was getting very sick of just sitting in the house.

Dwayne: Uh huh.

Annick: Although I’m not sure if this outfit is as inconspicuous as Roberts said it would be…

Dwayne: Hm.

Annick: I think I might be a bit too old for this style. … Are you listening?

Dwayne: Sorry, I’m just trying to keep an eye out for people who might try to kill us.

Annick: Oh. (He looks around) Looks safe.

Dwayne: For now.

Annick: Don’t worry. Between the both of us, we should be able to defend ourselves.

Dwayne: Listen, I keep telling everyone this: I’m not a fighter. I do flashy tricks to keep the police from engaging me, then I run before a superhero can arrive. That’s how I work.

Annick: Oh. Do you only rob places?

Dwayne: Yep. And help Lords with his smuggling.

Annick: Do you have any goals?

Dwayne: Not really. Just like to steal things and travel.

Annick: I see.

Dwayne: Yeah, not so grand compared to your lofty goals.

Annick: No, I… I don’t really have much in the way of goals either. Just… revenge. That’s all.

Dwayne: Didn’t you have some new world order plot?

Annick: Maybe I did. A long time ago. I can’t remember it now.

Dwayne: What about exterminating non-superpowered people?

Annick: I’ve thought about it… mentally, I can understand the appeal… but I just can’t get worked up about it. It doesn’t feel personal.

Dwayne: Huh.

Annick: I think I’ve lost something.

Dwayne: You think?

Annick: I wonder if something happened to me to make me feel so strongly. Something I can’t remember now.

Dwayne: Who knows. So what’re you gonna do after you get your revenge, then?

Annick: I don’t know.

Dwayne: Are you gonna stick with Dalix?

Annick: Don’t know.

Dwayne: Have you thought anything through at all?

(Annick shakes his head)

Annick: Reza always had plans, didn’t he? I fear I don’t quite live up to myself.

(Dwayne shrugs)

Annick: Maybe I could help Ms. Leandre with that religion of hers.

Dwayne: That cult?

Annick: … yes. I feel sort of bad for her.

Dwayne: Pfft. I wouldn’t trust her.

Annick: Dalix says so too. Maybe I’m a sucker for crying women.

Dwayne: Look, I’ll give you some advice. Don’t trust anybody.

Annick: Even you?

Dwayne: That’s right. Because you know what you are?

Annick: What?

Dwayne: You’re one of the strongest supervillains ever, and you don’t know what you want to do. You are a blank slate.

Annick: …

Dwayne: I’m just saying, I think a lot of people want to use you.

Annick: Dalix too? Has he said anything like that?

Dwayne: Dalix mostly wants to impress you so you’ll like him. But I wouldn’t put it past him to use you later on down the line.

Annick: …

Dwayne: Just don’t tell anyone I said that. I don’t think Dalix or Angela would appreciate me throwing a wrench in their mechanizations.

Annick: Right.

(The two walk in silence for a moment)

Annick: … why do you work for Dalix, anyway?

Dwayne: Oh, I… I have to do something.

Annick: So you do have a goal.

Dwayne (chuckling): A foolish one.

Annick: Can I know what it is?

Dwayne: No, no… it’s a bit personal.

Annick: Well, at least you have something. That’s more than I can say for myself.

Dwayne: I guess. Have you thought at all about leaving Dalix and them and just, you know, finding yourself?

Annick: Yes. But as weak as I am now, I can’t defend myself if I’m found by the authorities.

Dwayne: So we’re stuck with you, huh.

Annick: For now.

Dwayne: Damn.

(Annick pauses for a moment.)

Annick: … thank you for being so upfront with me.

Dwayne: What? I haven’t been.

Annick: Then thanks for being upfront about that.

Dwayne: Uh.

Annick: I think you might be right. Everyone’s been very nice to me, but from everything I can gather it seems like they should hate me… they all probably want something. Thank you for… I don’t know, for not using me, I guess.

Dwayne: As a coward, I make a habit of not playing with fire.

(Annick laughs. Dwayne does too, nervously.)

Dwayne: Ahaha, ha, ha. Yes. Can we go back now?

Annick: Yes, I suppose so.

—End: Episode one hundred eighty-nine

188. I'm mean. Your point?

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 15:06:47 -0400

(The scene is our villains’ house, and Selan and Selanio are watching a cheesy TV show.)

Selanio (sarcastically): Oh no, Selan, who will ever take Charlotte to the prom now?

Selan: Her life is over now! Forever.

(They laugh)

Selanio: That’s what she gets for not having backups.

Selan: Backups?

Selanio: You know. Like, set up dates with a bunch of people at once just in case one cancels on you.

Selan: You didn’t do that, did you?

Selanio: I had like four dates. Two of them ended up deciding to share me, so I walked in there with a girl on each arm. And then I got voted prom king. The prom queen was someone I didn’t ask out, but I got some makeouts with her too.

Selan: What!

Selanio: My accent was stronger then, the girls just ate that up.

Selan: You’re awful.

Selanio: What, you didn’t have backup dates?

Selan: I’d never do that!

Selanio: Why not?

Selan: It’s mean.

Selanio: I’m mean. Your point?

Selan: Meaner than necessary, I mean.

Selanio (shrugging): Eh, maybe. I was a high school kid back then. You know how it is.

Selan: Pfff… I guess. But still.

Selanio: You did have a date for your prom though, right? He didn’t cancel on you?

Selan: I never went to my prom, don’t you remember?

Selanio: No, I was not informed of this! Why not?

Selan: That’s that month I was really sick. You really don’t remember that?

Selanio: I remember you being sick, I didn’t realize that’s when your prom was.

Selan: Oh. Well yeah, that’s when it was.

Selanio: So… no pretty dress, no limo, nothing?

Selan: Limo? You had a limo?

Selanio: I had two girlfriends, I didn’t need a limo to look cool. But I’m just saying.

Selan: Ah. Well yeah, no. None of that.

Selanio: This must be rectified!

Selan: I didn’t realize you had a time machine.

Selanio: You don’t know I don’t. But anyway, I meant more along the lines of us doing a little personal prom for you.

Selan: … is that some sort of innuendo?

Selanio: Not really. I mean like we dress up like it’s prom and go to one of those fancy restaurants with the dance floors.

Selan: You just wanna see me in a pretty dress, don’t you?

Selanio: Yes.

Selan: Will you pay for the dress?

Selanio: As long as it’s pretty. And you don’t cheat and use my money to buy a tuxedo.

Selan: Aww, but I bet I’d look really good in a tux!

Selanio: But I’m going to wear one! Isn’t it some sort of rule that two people can’t wear the same thing?

Selan: I guess. So are you gonna take me dress shopping?

Selanio: No, you have to surprise me.

Selan: So who do I go with?

Selanio: Take Xeno. He’s gay enough to go dress shopping with you.

Selan: … Yeah, I guess. Okay. (She stands up, and yells to Xeno’s room) Xenoooo! We’re going shopping!

—End: Episode one hundred eighty-eight

Selanio: … you spent how much?!

Selan: I promise it’s really pretty!

Selanio: But now I’m going to feel bad when I tear it off of you!

187. I do worry

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 15:05:54 -0400

(The scene is our villains’ house, a day later. Selanio is chilling on his bed, reading some Russian book, when Selan knocks on the door and walks in.)

Selanio (sitting up): Why hello, darling.

Selan: Hey.

Selanio: …? You okay?

Selan: How’s your chest?

Selanio: All healed. Care to inspect it for me?

(Selan walks over and sits on the bed. She lefts up his shirt and looks at his chest.)

Selan: Not even a scar.

Selanio: It takes a lot more than that to scar me.

Selan: Here you got hurt worse than me but you’re a-okay the next day.

Selanio: That’s because I’m so amazing. What about you?

Selan (putting a hand to her neck): Not quite so amazing. Hey, can I ask you something?

Selanio: Yeah?

Selan: Could you teach me to fight?

Selanio (stifling a laugh): What?

Selan: It’s not funny! I keep getting captured and held hostage and it’s not okay! Selanio, you gotta teach me how to defend myself.

Selanio: You’ve got your bubbles, what else do you need?

Selan: But if people sneak up on me and get too close, I can’t keep them away, can I? And here Xeno almost had to get himself killed to save me.

Selanio: But he didn’t get killed, so it was okay. Don’t worry about it!

Selan: I do worry about it! Dammit, Selanio, you have no idea what it’s like to feel that helpless.

Selanio: Listen. (he puts his hands on her shoulders) Your being helpless is what protects you. Some jerk grabs you, what’s he do? He threatens me and Xeno. Why? Because you’re helpless, and he can take care of you last. If you go trying to fight back, you could end up dead.

(Selan flops down onto the bed)

Selan I’m so useless.

Selanio: H-hey, I didn’t say that.

Selan: No, but you say it all the time anyway.

Selanio: I don’t really mean it.

Selan: Yes you do.

Selanio: Not when it gets you all mopey like this.

Selan: How am I supposed to be a good leader when I’m getting held hostage all the time?

Selanio: It’s not all the time.

Selan: Maybe you should be leader after all.

Selanio: Whu… stop with the pity party, already!

Selan: What, isn’t that what you want to hear?

Selanio: Stop that! (He pulls her up so she’s sitting upright again) Listen to me. I hate getting saved by you all the time, you know that?

Selan: Yeah…

Selanio: But I gotta deal with it. Xeno too. So sometimes you get in trouble and we have to save you. It evens out.

Selan: …

Selanio: So cheer up.

Selan: So you won’t teach me to fight?

Selanio: Come on, my fighting style pretty much relies on my muscles and my ability to take hits.

Selan: So not so good for me, huh.

Selanio: With those noodle-arms? Terrible.

Selan: I should learn kung-fu.

Selanio: Don’t bother. (he hugs her) You’ve got me to do the fighting for you.

Selan: You just like rescuing me, don’t you?

Selanio: Just a little. You cheered up yet?

Selan: Not completely, no.

Selanio: Look, those were all flukes, okay? Nobody’s taking you hostage again.

Selan: You think?

Selanio: Not really. But don’t worry about it.

Selan: Jeez.

Selanio (letting go of her and getting up): You know what we should do?

Selan: What?

Selanio: Let’s go get something to sharpen that sword Xeno gave me.

Selan: Huh?

Selanio: If Reza’s gonna wave that sword of his around, I’m damn well gonna do the same.

Selan: Ooh. Can I have a sword too?

Selanio: Can you even lift a sword?

Selan: I totally could!

Selanio: Maybe they make little kid swords.

Selan: Don’t be a jerk!

Selanio: Come on already. We’ll get you ice cream or something to get you to stop being an emo.

Selan: I’d be less emo if you were less of a jerk.

Selanio: Don’t be silly. The more jerklike I act, the less you mope! See?

Selan: N-nuh uh!

Selanio: Yeah-huh. Come on, already.

(He picks her up and carries her out, as she protests.)

—End: Episode one hundred eighty-seven

186. If only that were true.

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 15:05:02 -0400

(The scene is downtown. Our villains are, once again, causing mischief and blowing things up. They’ve barely even begun, though, when there’s an explosion that wasn’t caused by them. It’s a distinct sort of explosion, all dark-colored. Our villains stop, knowing what’s coming.)

Omen: Shit.

(Reza appears in a swirl of black energy. He looks up at the three, his eyes quickly focusing on Omen.)

Reza: Allow me to introduce myself.

(The Baron wastes no time—he begins an assault, lobbing energy bolts at Reza.)

Baron von Boom: We already know who you are!

Reza (dodging): But I’m a new man, you see! After all, my old self is gone and forgotten. I’m not the same Reza I once was.

Lady Ira: So what, you’re Reza two-point-oh?

Omen: Sounds awfully pretentious.

Baron von Boom (stopping his volley): I don’t care if you’re passing yourself off as different now. Your clothes might’ve changed, but you’re the same asshole you were.

Reza: If only that were true.

(Reza takes this opportunity to launch a volley of his own. The Baron falls back, and Ira covers the three of them in a barrier. Reza continues his barrage, hoping to break through her defenses.)

Lady Ira: Look, maybe you’re original-style or cool ranch, whatever. We’re still gonna beat you into the ground if you don’t get out of here! We watch the news, you know. We know you’re weaker right now.

Baron von Boom: I don’t like this.

Lady Ira: It’s cool, we can take him.

Baron von Boom: I don’t want Omen here.

Omen: What?

Baron von Boom: It’s too dangerous. He’s after you, and even if he’s weaker he can still fuck you up if he gets a lucky shot like last time.

Omen: Are you telling me to run away?

Baron von Boom: I’ll cover you.

Omen: I don’t like the situation any more than you do, but I can’t just leave you two alone with him!

Lady Ira: I’m not sure if I support that either. If he runs and I stay, what if Reza gets to him? And if I go with him, what if Reza hurts you, Baron?

Baron von Boom: I’ll be fine. You two get out of here.

Omen: Dammit, I’m not running away! Look, he’s weaker, let’s just hit him with all we’ve got.

Lady Ira: Yeah. Just overwhelm him! Don’t give him room to attack. Anyway, Apogee’ll be here soon for sure, so as long as you’ve got him on the defensive until the hero shows up we’re cool. Then we can book it or something.

Baron von Boom: Dammit… fine. Just be careful.

Lady Ira: Ready? Go!

(She drops her barrier. The Baron pushes through Reza’s relatively-weak attacks and punches Reza. Reza staggers, and just barely manages to dodge a trashcan thrown by Omen. Reza unsheathes his sword, and slashes at the Baron, who dodges. He slashes again, meeting a similar result.)

Baron von Boom: What’s wrong with you, using a weapon? Can’t fight me like a man?

Reza: My target is Omen. If you should stand in my way, then I’ll merely have to cut my way through!

(He slashes, and actually manages to cut The Baron’s chest a bit. Before the Baron can retaliate, Omen smashes a mailbox into Reza. Baron von Boom charges some energy into his hands, but immediately Reza disappears in a swirl of energy, and unexpectedly pops up behind Ira. He grabs her and holds the sword to her throat.)

Reza: Heh, I haven’t quite mastered this teleportation thing… I was aiming for Omen, but Ira will do too.

Baron von Boom: You son of a bitch, stop fighting dirty!

Reza: So says the villain.

Baron von Boom: I’m not so pathetic I have to stoop to such lame tricks. Now let her go!

Reza: Give me Omen and I’ll spare her.

Baron von Boom: I can’t just give you Omen!

Omen: Dammit, don’t hurt her because you’re pissed at me.

Reza: I won’t if you surrender. (He smiles) Or maybe this is better. Make you both suffer by making you watch your leader die.

Lady Ira: You’re gonna regret this, you—

Reza: No, I really won’t.

(Reza moves his sword closer to her throat— he cuts her a little. Omen holds up his hands.)

Omen: Okay! Okay, I surrender.

Lady Ira: Omen!

Omen: Just let her go. I won’t fight back. But if you hurt her, then who knows, I might lose control of my powers and anything could happen then.

Reza: … very well.

(He takes his sword away and shoves Ira aside. He starts walking toward Omen, but notices Omen glancing behind him. Reza looks back to see none other than Amp, sitting on his floating disc, surrounded by a whole bunch of electrified metal stakes.)

Reza: Damn…!

Amp (very matter-of-factly): I’m going to kill you.

(Amp proceeds to shoot stake after stake at Reza, trying to impale him. Reza sets about dodging and blocking these attacks. Meanwhile, The Baron runs to Ira and looks at the cut on her neck.)

Baron von Boom: Only a scratch, thank gods. (He hugs her) That was too close.

Lady Ira: Baron, I—

Baron von Boom: Wait here. I’m gonna help scrawnyman take that bastard down.

(Baron von Boom runs after Reza.)

Omen: You okay?

Lady Ira: … yeah.

Omen: Are you sure?

Lady Ira: Yeah, I’m fine.

Omen: …

(Meanwhile, the Baron’s just gotten Reza in a headlock. While he’s being held in place, Amp manages to stab a stake into his shoulder.)

Amp: Okay, let him go!

Baron von Boom: What?

Amp: Trust me, just do it!

(The Baron reluctantly lets him go— Amp proceeds to shoot lightning right into the stake and through Reza’s body. Reza falls over, twitching. The Baron kicks Reza.)

Baron von Boom: Damn, man, good one.

Amp: Yeah, well, I’m pretty awesome.

(Amp walks over, charging electricity into his hands.)

Amp: Let’s finish this fucker.

Baron von Boom (likewise charging up energy into his hands): Hell yeah.

(Reza lashes out, stabbing at Amp. Amp stops the sword with his electromagnetic powers, but only after it’s already pierced an inch onto his stomach.)

Amp: You persistent little…

(Amp blasts Reza away. Reza skids along the ground, and before bothering to get up he shoots out a wave of energy in all directions. It’s stronger than his previous attacks— his desperation is allowing him to tap into his potential. Amp and the Baron are knocked away. Before they or Omen can act again, he teleports away.)

Amp: Goddammit! You fucking coward, come back here and finish what you started!

Baron von Boom: Damn, he’s quick to just run away.

Amp: We had him! Fuck, we had him!

Baron von Boom (yelling): Reza!! If you don’t come back right now, you’re just proving what a fucking loser you are! Get back here!!

(Nothing. The Baron kicks the ground.)

Baron von Boom: Fuck. Next time.

Omen (walking over): You okay there, Cath?

Amp: Kch, no. I hate that fucking sword. (To the Baron) You and your girlfriend okay?

Baron von Boom: Just a cut. Ira?

Lady Ira: Same.

Amp: I really thought I had a good chance today. Apogee wasn’t here to stop me, I thought I’d be able to kill him without trouble…

Omen: Damn, you serious about that?

Amp: Killing him? Yeah. I’m fucking sick of him. When Apogee fights you guys, I know there’s nothing to worry about. You’ll knock each other around, but nobody’s out for anybody’s blood. But Reza just makes things too serious. I’m not letting things get as dangerous as last time.

Omen: Seems like it’s more dangerous for me, though.

Amp: He wants all of us dead, man, he just wants you dead most. Anyway, I gotta go see a doctor or something. Why don’t you three go home or something? I really don’t feel like fighting you when I’m bleeding like this.

Baron von Boom (glancing at Ira): Well, I wouldn’t mind some more destruction. u_u; But I guess we gotta go patch ourselves up too.

Amp: Yeah, go do that. (He hops onto his flying disk) See you.

(Amp leaves. The Baron takes Ira’s hand.)

Baron von Boom: You really okay?

Lady Ira: Yeah.

Omen: You look upset.

Lady Ira: No, I’m okay!

Baron von Boom: Let’s go home.

—End: Episode one hundred eighty-six